Kim Kardashian stars in trailer for Tyler Perry's

August 24, 2018 8:46 pm

August 24, 2018 8:46 pm


Am game…! This article is on point Tomorrow am gon’ be the best man fir my woman. To the women who came forward and owned your part of your own selfishness in this conversation I thank you and I admire you To the women in this strand who decided to dog-pile on to accuse their men of being “silent,” “insensitive,” “selfish,” “passive” perpetrators I say look at what YOU are doing to your relationship by spewing that one sided nonsense. This article really resonated with me i am such a lucky lucky girl to have found a partner in life that does show me every day how much I’m loved and wanted When my partner touches me i do feel every ounce of love and passion they have for me and for life I am supported in every single way; emotionally physically and mentally My partner is a workaholic and has hobby s outside of our relationship that I’m not interested in but I never doubt my partners love for me because even if its only 5 minutes a day that my partner has free it’s always devoted to me I should mention that I’m a lesbian but I think when it comes down to it this article apply’s to all couples in a real loving relationship. As a man I agree with a lot of what is said in this article I think it’s deeper than not being present however Women get bored Men need to keep their wives or girlfriends interested excited intrigued curious…As a boring man I’m not sure how to do that and I would love a conversation about that subject I want to feel the passion I want to keep a woman excited but at the same time I am usually pretty boring That’s just. While she was getting her hair done this week I popped in and brought her a coffee like I would have done early on in our relationship She admitted that it felt good and that it gave her hope for us That it would work out Time will tell I hadn’t cried this much since I was a child She’s my entire world but I treated her like she was my pillow My comfort who just needed a dust-off in the wash sometimes I know now that I saw our relationship as easy but it wasn’t It took effort but effort that I delighted to give As they say when your’e doing something you love — or for someone you love — it isn’t work at all That’s where I want to be Thanks again for the words of wisdom. Boom!! Hammerman you hit the nail right on the head It’s not just women that do this though I’ve found those type of people to fall into the narcissistic category And yes avoid them like the plague they will only damage you. So what happens to Police Medics Firefighters and the Military? Do they not deserve loyal patient wives? Or do they deserve to be alone because they can’t be at home as much as someone else? Is the spouse entitled to stray because they have certain needs that take priority over loyalty? Men don’t ignore your wives when you’re home Get her flowers once in awhile Show appreciation when she does something nice for you Wives don’t leave your man because he splits his attention between you and the community/country he is serving. I love this and agree wholeheartedly I also think that a man can be present physically– not fishing golfing gaming etc and not actually be “present” emotionally. Co-Existence innocuous congeniality and stoicism will wreck any Too bad I couldn’t see the forest for the trees to HELP and SERVE her out of her self-protection I did the opposite In THAT area of our ‘life’… I waited and did nothing else to cause problems Which only made me angrier We should have sought counseling!! I should have ‘led’ I was scared and did not even KNOW I was scared! A scared man does stupid self-protecting things that a woman ‘smells’ as being something ‘not safe’ And God knows… women sure look for and want: safety and security! (fidelity and integrity) It is true that women leave because their man is not present But the question is WHY (good and loving) man is working golfing gaming watching TV fishing…? This is the core problem and we should find answer. I find debates and respectful arguments to one of the greatest things and most important things for our society I understand that people can come to the conclusion that distancing them self from any debate is the best thing when they live in a culture where arguments are about being confirmed in your own beliefs and not sharing knowledge and discussing with the intend of getting closer to the truth I’d say that the focus of this article people being able to live in a happy relationship with each other is crucial for a good life Discussing and thus expanding your insight and knowledge on is a important function of human interaction It’s been 31 years but somehow I don’t remember in my wedding vows that I had to give up my entire identity to be married The biggest problem with is by the time your kids are grown up you have both lost most of your friends to their own lives and children so neither of you have anyone to do things with I have spoken with many guys in their 50’s that have zero friends left to do stuff with because of their total commitment to family and job or business Like any article their are valid points but you basically want men to quit being men just like every other article being written today You can’t have a man that is your rock and want him to wear a. I agree The trouble is not sex (gender) but human We tend to take for granted All too often we may live with people we initially loved but after a while we treat them as part of the furniture The old saying “you never know what you’ve got — until it’s gone” is very true Another fair comment is that we (again all humans) are highly prone to believe in the Fairy Tale whether it is the Ken-and-Barbie fantasy of the young girl or the whatever of the man Easier said than done but try to see your partner as he really is not as you want him to be Are you hoping to change someone? Ha ha ha!. I will say that I understand the appeal especially from her point of view I’ve been struggling with mental health issues for a while then they got worse and she started an affair about 4 months after things got bad for me Yes I understand it was no cake-walk for her but four months after almost 30 years? Anyhow I can see that i put what emotional energy I had into our kids and took her granted She now feels desired by multiple men and empowered since several of them are married Plus its easy and doesn’t require the hard talks It is just for her It has only been a couple of weeks since I found out so I’m still pretty raw especially since I’m being told that I’ve ruined her fun and that she wanted it to go on forever And it likely will since she has no remorse and no desire to give it up This of course forces the decision on me which is getting easier the more I find out I just don’t recognize this woman anymore. Thanks Kristi I woanted to write it but it is even more strong when a women writes this ! heartly and lot of succes and love <3<3<3 😉 You’re so intelligent your husband is exponentially lucky to have someone with your integrity. 1 Stop seeing your ex Cut all communications 2 Realize life happens 3 Find someone else Sometimes you have to move on before your head is. It is truly disturbing to read an article like this and also the comments to see how close minded some people are Also how selfish they are too “Everyone should be like me or they are not living/passionate/loving/enjoying life” Wow. Pingback: Milwaukee Community Journal » WISCONSIN'S LARGEST AFRICAN AMERICAN NEWSPAPERWhy Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know - Milwaukee Community Journal I feel this article was direct at what is important to women as the title points to Understanding what is important to a man would be another article Eg men needs to feel appreciated. Nice Response Most Woman do not understand a roll of a man or husband in Relationshilp / Family Its a lot like Welfare progams they want the benefits but think the money resources to pay to have free time don’t have a cost well they do when they sit on the couch the light bill the gas bill the food bill the cable bill the birthdays mothersdays Christmas sweetheart day valentines day and many other show your appreciation to woman days do have a toll Very few are born with silver spoon now where they have money given from family to not have to work to jobs just for basics of living I bet the men who quit there jobs to be with their woman more often have just as many break ups because then the woman says he does nothing even if it is with her all the time No winning in relationships unless both people know. For healing family wounds work I love David Richo’s books James Hollis James Hillman Bill Plotkin’s Wild Mind and Gay and Katy Hendricks Conscious Loving and Living and Hakomi work For support for the reconnection to Soul and Wild I love Bill Plotkin’s Soulcraft Nature and the Human Soul and the Animas Valley Institute Meredith Little and Steven Foster’s School of Lost Borders and Four Shields Soulquest Northwest Marc Bekoff – Rewilding Our Hearts Joanna Macy’s books and Work That Reconnects Thomas Berry and Brian Swimmes work The Dream Of The EArth and The Universe Story the worldwide Permaculture movement The Deep Nature Connection movement – Jon Young and 8 shields Wildnerness Awareness School and the Primitive Skills movement – Buckeye Rabbitcount and the worldwide Mindfulness movement etc for a start May we all discover our deepest belonging and know who. Again not claiming this to be the ultimate explanation I’m sure there are countless reasons for lack of presence but if this can help just one person then it was worth the time writing it 🙂 I would just like to say it is a two way street is not 50/50 it has to be 100/100 and also men get very taken for granted too Tyler your question seems sincere I suggest you read and contemplate the responses from the women in here and ignore the bitter or resentful responses from men I’ve been married 25 years this month and my wife and I are right here where this article describes She has been trying to tell me these things for a long time And she has been very close to leaving me despite loving me These things our women want from us are not very difficult they don’t have a price tag and have nothing to do with luxury There is a wonderful book “The Way of the Superior Man,” by David Deida It could have had a less pretentious title but it actually is what it claims to be It’s advanced work and will not resonate with a man who has not begun to take a fearless and honest look at his self and done some personal development work It describes these concepts in great depth that the author here skims over briefly Pingback: Proč ženy opouštějí muže které milují? - Aleš Ismail Vavřinec Pingback: Why Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know - The Minds Journal Pingback: If only more men understood this… – Deep Waters Ministries Men have it bad in today’s society You have to be manly but sensitive You have to be the provider and work your ass off but you have to be present You have to be the family man and between the job meeting the spouses needs you have little time for any release of your own Articles like this are complete trash and I will tell you why Compare this to an article about what men need or why men leave You will quickly see that we are much simpler machines with fewer requirements We meet our obligations and receive little credit from the women and family that we serve To the women who find that leaving or cheating is justifiable because you feel an emotional disconnect I say this You action is wrong You are not justified You have to take responsibility for yourself You can and will be replaced. Very well put consistent communication like you said is a must touching holding hands like you did at the beginning of the relationship is so necessary keep it new if you both work on it. What a crock of shit! Women don’t leave men because they go golfing or to work That’s just an excuse for a deeper underlying issue The women that leave their men using those excuses are just needy…selfishly needed As for passion to be alive I agree Men and women for that matter should be alive Go golfing Go fishing Work hard Play hard Relax Laugh Cry Do things apart Do more together LIVE your life with passion Here’s a question: since when do people let others control their behavior? Eleanor Roosevelt “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Now THAT’S a woman Now THAT’S my. It simply comes down to being friends first and foremost If both partners are engaged as friends then your as caring and truly interested in them completely for who they are as you are with all your close friends I think that is what is missing in many relationships and personally why although I loved my husband I left we weren’t friends He wasn’t interested in all of me or engaged and I don’t think it means not having outside interests that are yours alone but being there emotionally and truly caring along with listening as you do as a friend. I enjoyed the article as well And from a male perspective I agree with the article But from what I understand of women I think the good Justice Schanfarber is full of crap The stat that I saw was that 75% of divorces are initiated by women And it is for a multitude of reasons … a better economic opportunity comes along a better social standing comes along boredom and many other reasons Most men make that vow and intend to keep it means creating a new family and family is forever Many maybe most women do not see it that way Women can have unconditional love for children parents and friends But for spouses not so much I think for men more so than women is a life long commitment to a partner who is loved unconditionally But that is not true for the majority of women which is why the stats are what. John I agree more with your comment than I did or even do with this initial article I find it disgusting to no end that women in this era we live in are so selfish so entitle minded so quick to up and leave at the drop of a hat with not only any feelings of regret for what she may put her husband through but also what is absent is the very little care they have over where that leaves. My take as you can see in a post I wrote through my own filters; through a glass darkly if you will is you’re treating your readers with a bit of disdain and condescension I would think that non-violent communication training and mindfulness might soften one’s views toward others and make one more unassuming But obviously there are different kinds of mindfulness and indeed I should be unassuming Ah hypocrisy I am my own worst enemy sometimes At any rate you can read about my take on passion here: /passion/ but keep in mind my references to your Huff Po piece are in the second half of my post Also keep in mind I don’t really write for others it’s really for my own mindfulness and awareness It helps me grapple with change. Aaaai its amazing how I have been waiting for a man who treats me like the way you treated your wife the guys I meet are cold and just dont have recent guy didnt even believe in holding hands or just seating next to called when it suit him and didnt believe in spoiling me for my birthday or special days like mothers day or christmas… he would chat to his female fiends on his cell phone till he has no battery life left I still lived him but I left him because ut hurt me emotionally Furthermore there are women who are terrible to their men who read articles like this and then feel justified in their choices to be super moody and take things out on their men and make it a big frustrating guessing game for their men to figure out what the best course of action is These are the women who claim to be feminists and want equal rights but love garbage books and movies like “50 Shades of Gray” Let’s stop pointing fingers at one gender race or other and just do right by each other Let’s ask our spouses how we’re doing what’s going well what can be improved upon in the relationship instead of relying on silly one-sided articles to point it out Let’s at least put out articles that represent more than one fad or. Now flip that and show a woman a peculiar man a man who has considerable leisure time for her at no cost of providing for her and her home Show her a man who is brazen with risks and exhibits no dimensional understanding of all relationships connected to her If she falls for it it would seem to indicate that her happiness comes from external stimulus and even external validation (She feels beautiful because somebody “new” told her she was Her own husband or partner might saw the same thing but it doesn’t make her feel alive in the same way and is therefore “less real” for her) Real relationships involve real work Yes there are moments of unhappiness and loneliness within relationships themselves Things are bound to get stale from time to time Both have to put forth the effort in order to connect. The article urges men to make at least 5 minutes a day to really see their wife The author understands life gets us in a rut but we need to work with what we got to get through it Yes i agree with you that communication is key I occasionally ask my husband if he’s happy If not what will make him happy and if there’s something I can do He asks me this from time to time- In a different kind of way but I. This is exactly what I struggle with – my husband and I have been married since 2002 not long by many standards – but long enough to be stuck in a rut that is not going in the right direction He changed his mind on adopting and that was basically the point I stopped trying to meet him halfway Since then we’re like room-mates sharing a home rather than a couple It’s a sad lonely place I feel if he read this and even tried ONE PART I’d be more likely to stick around I’ve waited years for a connection since we sort of floundered after the child issue – and just recently said enough and contacted a lawyer I’m going to share this and hope he reads it It might be late but you never know – maybe it’ll reach what the didn’t. Previous comment should have stated “Men” not “meen.” I hit reply before checking Also wanted to add it’s one thing if everyone is trying their best or at least trying to learn to better a relationship but when men or women go to all these things as a form of escape from reality and not dealing with the true issues at home it’s not good for the It’s one thing to have passions and pursue them as long as issues are being dealt with or each partner is helping each other out not being selfish. I really love this comment but this article is really good and informal thank you for the posting gave me a lot of insight Ok let me get this straight; at some point you talked about adopting to add children to the mix Then he changed his mind But instead of realizing he is not the right man to adopt with the adoption went ahead anyway Now both of you are unhappy each for different reasons but both basically about the same thing — bringing a child into the marriage Why is it his fault? Once he changed his mind the discussion should have been about well why are well still together when we clearly want different things? It’s sad when someone changes his/her mind but that happens Rather than continue on as a married couple that wants to adopt it was probably time to realize he was not the partner you thought you had and. I have read part II as well from your blog which states: “So do we actively participate in the reality of change accepting the discomfort and uncertainty along with the exhilaration of growth? Or do we resist because change is scary and painful? (Hint – the first one gives us more and better options.)” Your article is valid if a wife behaves like a normal wife with a litte bit of common sense in. When you take your girlfriend or wife for granted that means you are about to loose her… That’s something I am getting after reading this article But not sure if I got right. I just had to comment I am a man that lost my WIFE I loved her more than life I told her everyday several times I loved touching her talking with her we spent hours on the phone we had the party home always hosting a party She quit talking to me I would notice her moods ad ask her what was wrong always nothing sometimes weeks would go by and no talking drove me crazy We are divorced now she crosses my mind every night in my dreams I see her face and it wakes me I find myself reaching for her in bed only to find her empty side of the bed I miss her terribly She was so smart and fun to be around always the spotlight person I’m sure her side of the story is much different It’s so hard for a man to get a woman to talk we are supposed to just know and we don’t most of us are. The article is fairly sad An effort by the writer to cuddle all women in a state of neurotic trace and encourage men to make self-realization (on the part of women) “their” responsibility A number of women are leading balanced and independent lives and doing so alone I’ve often found them worth talking to just for the sake of discourse alone But like their “coupled” counterparts a woman wants to talk about how she “feels” about problems first rather than the problems themselves And they will act in ways that will surprise and confound a man to. Tyler it’s not your fault You are probably doing your very best in a world in which “following your passion” fails to pay the bills I was a dutiful breadwinner in a job that I loathed and in the end my wife left me because of it Doing your best to secure her a middle class life is not enough for most women It may not be enough for your wife; ask her That is a flaw in their wiring. I agree with this article I love my husband very much Deep down to my bones Although I tried every way to get him to see that I needed him he simply would not engage me I work hard raise my sons stay in amazing shape look 10 to 15 years younger than I actually am take care of the home and tried to please him sexually at least 3 times a week All I wanted was to be connected to him and to feel secure in his love I have talked pleaded threatened and cried Now I have given up I simply come to the conclusion that he never truly loved me How could he if he refuses to connect with me and show me anything beyond the surface I waited 18 long years and at 39 years of age I decided to start over My heart is broken after years of neglect abuse and infidelity I will not date until my divorce is final and I heal I hope and pray that God will bless my efforts for doing all this the right way and send me my. Women are often insecure compared with men within a relationship They need constant reminders that you care for them – but at the same time woman are attracted to precisely the opposite of that It’s a tight-rope walk for a man – too domesticated and docile and you become a resource to be used and abused not domesticated enough and your woman will be permanently insecure and hurt Perhaps this is one of the reasons some men have commitment issues – no one wants to be a trapeze artist forever. Ultimately my point is that the people reading this article (and the many similar one out there) with its focus on what men aren’t doing in their relationship or on how they’re not living up to the standards every woman ‘deserves,’ should perhaps take a moment to think about their role in creating the problems their relationship faces Take a moment and think about how your husband/partner might have lived their life differently if you hadn’t pushed them into the ‘passionless,’ ‘lifeless’ person you made them And if you’re not in that relationship right now then please take a moment to consider how your efforts to ‘improve’ him now might lead to this very problem in the future. Absolutely the best comment Sarah … I have it my husband does not how do I help him. For me if I can’t share those things and dive into who we each really are I see no reason to share my time with them in a romantic or committed relationship Life is short we all deserve to live our fullest lives and at the end of the day achieving that comes with finding the depth that reaches farther than weekend plans. This caught my eye – “…if I feel less desired or he’s not present I tell him I tell him I’m feeling vulnerable.” I have found that emotional vulnerability is a powerful place to approach a spouse from Much different than coming from a place of demands resentment or even reason It often takes real courage to be authentically vulnerable. This article is dangerously apologist It fundamentally shifts the responsibility of maintaining vows from the person that wants to break the vows to the one who wants to keep them That’s a perversion of the concept of “That’s why guys get married so they can stop wooing It’s exhausting to woo you woo you woo and you woo and then you’ve got to go: Whoa!” –Paul Reiser Mad. People who leave people because they are providing a living for a family do so out of insecurities and greed It has nothing to do. This is a beautiful and siple article Presence Being connected We are faced with so many distractions from our one ture relationship with our one true love Life is the distraction all of it And life is also the relationship we have with that one true love The core of that relationship is Purpose and Dynamic Purpose is not that complex really it is what we are in the relationship for at one level yes but it is more about what is the relationship there to create Dynamic is the how the elements of action and interaction that executed effectively deliver the purpose Whether a relationship of parent sibling co worker with any human being they exist for a specific purpose and they have a specific dynamic Yes be present to the other person this is vital AND remain present to the purpose. I agree with Andrea If the emotional bond/passion isn’t there they aren’t seeking each other out for conversation getting involved in each other’s interests and even sometimes despising each other’s interests A couple should have similar interests for the most part and maybe have a few things that they just aren’t into at all If a couple can’t get any interest in each other’s interests they’ll eventually lose that emotional bond because they don’t get excited by the same things. Save my name email and website in this browser for the next time I comment Sign me up for the newsletter! That’s all fine and good But what if she swears like a Banshee in front of the kids calling you down? Every couple days for 12 years? A little abusive I would say to say the least And I never cheat home every night play with and grow with the kids volunteer with them etc But somehow I’m an ass Who wants to “connect” with a woman like this? Not bloody likely. I think that was only one part of it If you love you life that’s great other men mught not and that can have a domio effect This was about exploring yiur partner which should in no way hinder you job friends time alone or respect Loving life makes for a happier demeanour which women pick. He’s completely right hes telling my story I gave my all and more to my husband but he was never ‘there’ When he took me so much for granted that he started to get verbally abusive – and that got worse over the years- then I left It broke my heart to do it but what would I have been teaching our kids had I stayed? We have 3 young children and a broken home They spend time in both our homes Finally he ‘sees’ them at least I didnt want to be alone but better alone than completely invisible I am now happy but I stayed in that too long … I dont know if I will ever risk another relationship again Excellent article thank you for telling. I guess you missed the note at the bottom where it says this goes both. Is an artificial institution that should be abolished Our ancestors were promiscuous and raised children communally We’re still wired that way All the current institution of does is keep divorce lawyers doing brisk business I’m talking to you Your is a sham Yes yours You should leave your spouse and be your own person because that’s what it is to be human Being shackled to one person forever is not only false it’s a form of self-inflicted torture Leave and. I find your article truly heartbreaking sincere and with passionate beauty in it (the subject of the article I mean) But know that passion is selfish It IS by very definition a very selfish reason to break your man and family Because your man also needs you No matter how much you show it in a woman’s perspective.   I have been married for 27 years And my husband treats me the same way I have tried the same things you tried I’m tried and burned out with this man we have not had any sex or contact in 2years No Intimacy nothing I have met someone and we had lunch movie and he makes me laugh In my heart I want to know why want my husband do fun things with me? I am a great woman and I Deserve better I am planning on leaving my husband in may not because I met someone because my husband thinks and treats me like a roommate not a wife of 27 yrears Looking and Praying for Better Diane: I’m truly sorry for the loss of a ‘good man’ I assume you just could NOT ‘lead’ him to understand you were getting marginalized?? Where does the commitment to him to ‘honor’ him come in to play?? I get it believe me… 16 years is a long time I’m simply asking WITHOUT GUILT or SHAME-based questioning about your commitment TO PULL HIM OUT OF HIMSELF?? Not just raise a flag Not just ‘tell him’ MEN ARE THICK Thick-headed DULL as a whole I know as I AM ONE and WAS thick-as-hell when it came to deeply realizing that I’d lost the one I loved Part of it was her ‘baggage’ Part of it was me being scared There I said it MEN are SCARED because we aren’t usually taught to FIGHT DEEPER to find the loving connection EVEN THOUGH WE NEED IT and clearly you woman need. Second AND SUCCESSFUL ONE AND HAD BEEN PRESENT MORE IN THE FIRST ONE MIGHT HAVE WORKED OUT ALSO WOULD KILL FOR EITHER WOMAN!!! How can you HONOR your ‘oneness’… by being strong in the OBJECTIVITY that HE (WE?) need therapy / counselling? I fail to see the difference between teaching your kids that when their arm is broken… you GO TO THE DOCTOR!! When a is broken… GO TO THE /THERAPIST and GO UNTIL you find the right one who ‘speaks the truth and both listen and apply’ It’s pragmatic It’s OBJECTIVE It’s under the banner of LOVE HONOR and CHERISH GET HIM TO GO TO THE DOCTOR WITH YOU!! If he’s an objective pragmatic thinker… explain it to him (men are dull sometimes I am one I know!) that relationships take MORE work not LESS work as they progress MORE work sometimes means DOCTORING together. I agree to this article but you can swap ‘women’ and ‘men’ there as well; It’s a two-way street I suspect (though I am not a councilor in any way) that often the focus on work and other things to the detritement of their is often as much a symptom as it is a cause and it is not the sole responsibility of one to make the other not leave it is the responsibility. Yes my thoughts too women also need to be present and give their men appreciation… but this was written by someone working with breaking down relationships… not just an opinion piece… his observations from real clients. I agree this article needs the balance of at least saying “women need to be mindful of their husbands needs in the same regard” In it’s present state it’s just another “what has he done for you LATELY? ?” The reality is that both partners in any relationship should be actively present and working to fulfill each others needs As far as “sex how you want it” goes I absolutely agree again on the caveat that this goes both ways Don’t expect a man whose sexual desires are intentionally not being fulfilled to always fulfill yours willingly. Stop take a look at the person you’re with a real close look and then compare them to the person you married Their ‘passion,’ their habits (good and bad) their job their hobbies the place they live the clothes they wear their group of friends the ways they spend their free time; really take the time to analyze who they are now and how they’ve changed then ask yourself “how did I influence that change?” The controller in relationship needs to control their own fear and self-doubting that’s what they need to learn the most Love grows from the soil of self-awareness self-respect and self-acceptance One learns how to treat oneself before he/she could understand how. I can’t say how much it means to digest every word of this offering of wisdom I simply can’t explain how it makes me feel — how simple it seems after having my eyes opened by a wife who expressed some of these exact sentiments to me recently I’m fighting every moment of every day to get back to where we were; to get myself back in the process I didn’t even realize it had become what it had My wife and I had always been the lucky ones — 13 years of bliss save the last one apparently We were the couple that others tended to gravitate toward as they suffered through the trials and tribulations of a relationship They did it to feel strong like we were To take comfort in the feelings that surrounded them in those moments We’d been told this several times We’d been told that our effortlessness and blatant love gave people hope As ridiculous as it sounds: “The Perfect Couple” for years. Maybe women feel justified leaving in this situation because the man already left His physical body may be present but his mental emotional and spiritual self is gone If that is true why did he feel justified leaving in the first place? The article focuses on how women may be justified in leaving men for another man Does this mean the man should feel justified for leaving the woman emotionally? The problem with the article is the victim-blaming tone and its double standard Bob I work with couples who have issues due to camp schedules much like I work with most other couples This can include but is not limited to: ~ Listening to their story and helping them discover (and possibly adjust) the assumptions and beliefs underneath it ~ Helping them recognize the roles they each play in their relationship (and how they might want to change them) ~ Providing opportunities for them to explore their values their resentments their hopes hurts longings and other important aspects of their humanity that often get lost along. It is not a contradiction I understand what the author is saying because I resonate with it Having a passion for life is much different to a hobby My hubby is a keen surfer He loves it But if that is his ‘passion for life’ what does he do when he’s not surfing? Read a surfing mag? Or talk about surfing? Or watch it online? That’s not a passion for life – that’s a passion for surfing A passion for life pulses through your veins 24/7; the air you breathe sunrise sunset the night sky a full moon animals insects the ocean trees helping those in need – wanting to be the best version of yourself always everyday I can see when someone has this fire in them – it’s one of the sexiest thing a person can have (in my eyes) We all need our vices and space to do our own thing; but when one has a passion for life the genuinely important stuff becomes a priority and everything else. As a man what if he is hearing his wife but she does not “feel” heard ?? If he has persisted grown tired and thinks “I am better off going fishing working sport etc” is there no room for responsibility for a woman to honour a man ?? Even if that man has poured himself into her life is it all one sided If a man gives and gives even when they are only met with lies contempt and disention ?? I wonder about how women have treated men to bring a man to a state of apathy toward her ?! I am asking questions I know very little but I know if you cut a man he bleeds ! To everyone reading into this article and making statements/asking questions of “How do I regain my passion” “I need to put in a lot of work to give my wife the things we need” “We don’t agree on and can’t move past that” The point is to just give a little attention to your partner and you are one step closer to a better place and becoming more a single unit (again) to be able to become closer to being more flexible on things together understand each other together make decisions together and appreciate each other together It. I love what ur doing and I was a co-facilitor for a Father Invovment program It was basically couples counselling and I loved the difference it made in the couples by simply teaching them to listen to each other and to just be there for each other I would love to learn more about couples counseling for I feel there is a great need for it especially now there is an oil resession going on and many families are going to. Never in my life did I think that I had the capacity to be unfaithful I hate myself for what I did to him but I can’t un-do it I can’t go back Several people have said that same thing that you say: “You owe it to your husband to talk about it and make him understand.” But if they are unwilling to listen to hear to understand to talk back then there is nothing more that we can do but to walk away and quit sacrificing our life for someone who isn’t willing to give back This isn’t quitting This is trying to live This article really. Of course these guys did not see that line at the end They just want to blame someone else for their shortcomings Own them instead of blaming and try to actively read a short passage without judgement until the end and see what happens That could be the first step in taking some time to understand something foreign. I think it’s a challenge to maintain passion when someone is trying to control or change you It seems in many relationships one member (often the woman but not always) enters it with the goal of changing or ‘improving,’ the other person They may not fully realize it but this is the case They want their partner to “be more responsible” (which is a euphemism for spending money/time on the things the other person feels are important) and try to guide them in that direction If someone is pushed gradually bit by bit to the point where they no longer recognize the person they were at the beginning of their relationship in the person they are now then it’s not surprising that they would lose their passion How do you look someone in the eye with love and affection when they have worn you down like this gradually stripping away so much of who you were like a river turning a rough-hewn boulder to a smooth pebble? Wordreference English-Italiano Dictionary © 2018: You could have chosen to write “each needs to be present” but instead you chose to write “men need to be present” That was not an accident You announced which side you were on and who was to blame If I was having trouble with my wife and I read this under no circumstances would I ever contact you you’ve already laid out your positions and biases You’re just perpetuating the female grievance industry with pieces like this because you can be damn sure that your follow up piece (if it ever happens) will not find it’s way into womens inboxes You’ve allowed them to read a nice little slice of biased conclusion devoid of any mention that they too bear the same responsibilities. This is exactly how I feel right now I’m bored with my after 20 years My husband lack of caring and attention skill makes me feel alone He refuse to communicate about this matter Loneliness is eating me alive This is not about sex we have no problem with sex He always around but we hardly talk as he’s busy by himself My soul would be so different if he’s willing to give me his heart for at least 5 minutes of his valuable time every day or at least twice a week Is this too much. Been married for 36 years Have had our problems like everybody The secret for us is we go our seperate ways We do whant we want togather or on our own You must trust your better half doing what you want togather or on you own is the secret Trust eachother and. Yes Justice … certainly incomplete Men also have all of the needs – to be seen respected validated loved and desired – that you have ascribed to women A quick mention of this fact would have provided some much needed balance to your article while still keeping it short How old are the couples you’re counselling? The stereotype of the distant workaholic breadwinner seems a bit dated I’m 39 and most of my peer group are sensitive emotionally present men who do not consider any person – certainly not their wife – as property Being emotionally/physically distant is a pattern that anyone fall into not a gender specific trait. Pat – I think some of your points are addressed here > /why-men-leave-women-they-love/ And here > /-counselling-made-it-worse/  

Most of us women and men know ( I hope ) that there are bad women disrespectful unappreciative women out there I believe the women he is referring to are not those women He is referrering to the ones he speaks with in sessions that are actively working to make their relationships work Maybe with their partners maybe alone From my point of view and I don’t mean this in a distasteful way but it seems that most with bitter thoughts here can’t fully comprehend the meaning behind the article without taking offense Everyone has a story and in no way is this one going to fit the mold for everyone But that’s the point right? Some men may read this and understand the article they may grasp what their wife or girlfriend is saying when she says she feels he isn’t there or isn’t listening I think for those men it offers a light and help to understand from a different point. I agree My man is very much happier if left to his own devices like games renos and watching sports Unfortunately he likes to do That all day With complete absent mindedness when supplying him with beverages and showing patience in the presence of Bathurst Bur if he expects me to be ” pliable” when he Now wishes to be present ONLY for his personal satisfaction well why do they think that’ll do for “being present “? Mmmm while you make a point you’re not really getting the other side-Which is the point I’m pretty sure But shucks I’m just. After 15 years I confronted my husband with the problems and with what I needed The same conversation that we had over and over again But this time I gave him an ultimatum It wasn’t anything big but he threw that back in my face and said that “this is who I am take it or leave it” I began to fall out of love that day I began to go in to myself and I believe emotionally left the piece by piece step by step starting that day Eventually several years later I was swept off my feet by another man and physically left the The day that I decided to leave physically my husband promised change He promised all of those things that I had been asking for years from him He finally understood The tragedy was that it was too late The love was gone I couldn’t find it again I was done I still loved him but I wasn’t in love. It seems that all too often as we go along with our life as men; working sacraficing being loyal and dedicated we too often develop the idea and become strongly attached to it that these are the things that make us a “good man,” that they define us They aren’t In a healthy relationship these aren’t the things that attracted our women to us in the first place That’s what this article is about More over despite being worthwhile (good provider good father loyal etc) the fact is that these are just the things we are supposed to be doing anyway. You know what brilliant about this article is that it has absolutely reassured me My partner is a gamer and he games more the more stressed he is and in all honestly I believe he’s been struggling with depression for years He loves gaming and he also loves playing football too People often tell me his behaviour isn’t normal and that I should do something about it I accept that gaming sometimes for up to 16 hours straight is not normal and indicative of other issues However in between games he comes kisses me lies on the bed or does a crazy sexy little dance Sometimes I want more he knows I’m there passively waiting he does acknowledge me and he goes out of his way to create a series of mini moments that are spontaneous and lovely I know I’m lucky. Express the presence aliveness and passion in herself Show her support and approval for his moves toward presence aliveness and passion without. Consider this possibility (btw I’m not suggesting this to be cruel to you I’m just playing devil’s advocate.) Your husband loves you and he loves his kids and you depend upon him as a provider He accepts that role out of love Because being a provider is his expected role it is his top priority and the one thing he will not willingly deface However over the years he has come to a position where he doesn’t actually like you that much He’s not interested in you has no desire to spend time with you Staring into your eyes doesn’t excite him He’s bored jaded; over it but trapped by his love for his family It’s perfectly possible to love someone but not to. Thank God I found ONE sensible comment here! Cheers! I love this article and just shared it! I see others have written this but I would say that women can benefit from this advice as well I know that many of my friends and I are caught up in our lives sometimes and everything seems more important than just focusing on our partners So while I agree that our men could be more present I think this is not just a problem with men AND I think you can totally be physically present and not emotionally present Beautiful article. In short the dynamic described by the article is a lot more complex and people should carefully weight their options and pursue paths that best meet their needs disregarding. Shaun If someone asks a direct question that I have a direct answer to I provide it Generally though relationships are more nuanced than that I’m actually more in the business of asking good questions than providing answers! Many many people want easy answers to their relationship challenges But we have to find our way to those answers through our own experience My role is guide ally companion As for “lousy men” I’m not sure I’ve. Well not to mention the women who get so wrapped up in raising the kids that the husband is barely even a family member. Sarah you put that so beautifully I agree! I know that feeling and I love it but I do find it gets crushed so easily in today’s society I would love to find a man who can also feel that passion for life and stay strong with me to keep that going in a very superficial world I don’t care what hobbies he has to relax they are inconsequential and a shallow thing in my eyes It’s like when I hear people say that they want a parter to have the same hobbies as them I cringe Sure spend time and effort in getting to know your partners hobbies but don’t forget that lust. So what happens to the man that gives his all works away from home Hard worker good father always supporting and caring for the family? Gives all that he possibly can should he deserve a patient wife? Or should that wife just reap the resources of his job and passion for life just to get up and leave him all together. Billy – If you are feeling suicidal it’s important that you call 911 or your local emergency number immediately They will direct you to local help I know it can feel like the end of the world when someone we love leaves I know those feelings of grief regret and abandonment This is a hard time to get through I don’t know where you are located but communities everywhere have counselling services available to people who need them 911 – or your local emergency number – is the place. What a fabulous article So many comments take offense and suggest a two way street but it’s so clear this was not meant to be the ONLY summation for anything It was a very clear flag for men to pay attention to the ONE thing that seems to come up time and time again Anything can sour for a number of reasons but if there is a number one reason it’s good to say so Of course both sides need to earn each others love and passion. I thought I would be with her for the rest of my life now I have memories and an empty heart I will never find another like her because she was the only one for me No doubt in my. And why do men leave women they love Justice? I’m really curious about that? Also why do men refuse to go to counselling and refuse to change even if it means losing a woman they say. I’m curious to know if you have children together? It doesn’t seem so easy. Forum discussions with the word(s) '' in the title:Discussioni nei forum nel cui titolo è presente la parola '': Daniel It’s not a flaw in wiring It is very hard and often miserable to live with someone who HATES their job You seem to think that women *should* want a middle class lifestyle and nothing else Personally I can give myself a middle class lifestyle without my husband But I still have no interest in living in the suburbs having a white picket fence or any of that crap I’d rather live in a tiny 400 sq ft house in the mountains and spend my free time hiking camping climbing etc But if my husband was fixated on working a dreaded job in order to live the suburban life we wouldn’t last I’m rather confused why you think a paycheck would be enough to keep someone around If I need money I can make it myself — I have a good career and good work ethic What I want is a partner for all that hiking snow shoeing and fun as well as to weather the ups and. I feel as if a lot of the bitter comments here are due to the lack of comprehending the meaning of “being present” Also the author states in the title “why women leave men” not why relationships fail or what needs to be done by both parties This is an article written to show men out there what he has witnessed in his professional experience: that women even when they love their partner will leave if they feel as if he is not present Present not to mean physically Present as in when my partner comes in the door he takes 5 minutes after I have listened and talked about his day To do the same for me Not because he is supposed to but because he has that passion and is genuinely intrigued to know To invest in being curious about me as I. “she wants to feel your passion Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess If you’ve lost it why? Where did it go? Find out Find it If you never discovered it you are living on borrowed time.” Tell me how because I’ve been looking for my lost passion for life for over 3 years I love my wife deeply but I can’t find anything that fires me up The best way I can describe how I feel is stuck bored trapped uninspired… I don’t know why I lost it or where. Why should men have all the fun women have to get their groove back,women have issues with these men just like a man have issues with women what’s good for the goose is good for the gander as The best thing I got from this article and the comments is gratitude i’m single and a cynical POV re: all the “happy couples” surrounding me. This happened to my parents 2 years ago My dad was busy and my mom felt left out She decided cheating on him was a good idea After 16 years of and 3 kids she can just give it all up Some of you people out there thinking this should put in perspective of thier kids The ones who have to go back and forth to each parents house every weekend because thier mom wasn’t getting the time she deserved I’m sure people go through times when they feel like they aren’t wanted but it Is not okay to give up like that and do that sorta thing to their family This article is sad but it’s true. I am sorry but I find this article the attitude it communicates very wrong and disturbing For either a man or a woman to leave a person they love is a character flaw a failure and a mistake Period No ifs ands or buts Of course in any relationship which is a complex interaction of give and take back and forth counter-counter-counter-counter reaction to an earlier counter-counter-counter-reaction to an earlier counter-reaction to a reaction to something you did there will always be “fault” — read “room for improvement” on both sides Always But there is never an excuse for a woman or a man to leave someone they love without any danger or threat or harm just out of feeling wanderlust or grumpy or the glass is half full or the grass might be greener somewhere else Never That doesn’t mean accept the status quo Fix the status quo. I’m all for people putting in equal parts into relationships but lately it seems like all anyone writes about is how men need to do more for their women need to be less sexist need to be more passionate need to be this or that or do things differently Relationships need “us time” that’s a given They need open and fair communication They do need passion But how come there aren’t nearly as many articles on how women can do better for their men? Why is the focus placed on what men do wrong and not simply on what both parties need to be doing for one another and themselves to maintain a great relationship? Men need to stop being intimidated by women that make money and they wouldn’t have to work so hard I don’t understand the decisions people make Its never okay to treat your man like an atm and I wouldn’t need to luckily 🙂 One thing that might help is if the wife tried to show some interest in what her husband enjoys She might actually grow to like it more then. I think you’ve missed the point We are all entitled to be passionate about our interests When you focus your energy on your personal interests and neglect the fact that your other half should be one of them is when your partner realizes she is living with a flatmate and not a partner/lover The point is to spend 5 minutes every day reconnecting with the woman you love not looking at your phone or being totally disconnected whilst she’s pouring her heart out or only talking about her day She deserves to feel wanted listened to interesting Forget – make it an eternal date No one wants to feel like they are taken for granted. Some people get trapped in relationships and trapped in lives that they never really wanted or expected They’re forced to work jobs they don’t like to pay for things they don’t need to make other people happy They do it because they care about their spouse or their children and because they decide it’s better to sacrifice parts of themselves to have a ‘regular’ domestic life with the people they care about Then those people leave them because they “don’t look into their eyes” or they don’t feel their “aliveness.” What do you expect? This sounds like good advice but once you fall out of love with your mate I don’t think you can get it back I don’t believe it’s possible to ever get it back Or am. If you think you’re present with your wife try listening to her Does your mind wander? Notice When you look at her how deeply do you see her? Look again look deeper Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual longer than comfortable If she asks what you’re doing tell her “I’m looking into you I want to see you deeply I’m curious about who you are After all these years I still want to know who you are every day.” But only say it if you mean it if you know it’s true Touch her with your full attention Before you lay your hand on her notice the sensation in your hand Notice what happens the moment you make contact What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions (This is sometimes called mindfulness.) Tell her about what you’re noticing moment to moment. The problem is that no one is supposed to get divorced its supposed to be an engagement for life as silly as it might be or not the problem is often what you pointed out they take each other for granted but even them not much they can’t do about it because a lot of them married people are religious and fear god and hell more than divorce Divorce is a valid option when everything has failed when the romance is gone and couple stay together only because of comfort and security. Sean…it seems like you took a page out of my book add a Brain Injury….(myself)….21 years of … she tells the kids about morals she needs to find hers first The kids decided to live. Through all this I learned a lot about myself and others I also know that should be beyond anything else a love relationship between two adults no matter how good or bad things around them are Both should do whatever they can to help and support one another not to attempt to extract things and be selfish Too many people are selfish materialistic and egoistic People marry for wrong reasons That’s why more than half of s in USA fail I feel like there are less and less emotionally stable and rational people in this world For the sake of humanity I hope I’m wrong 🙂 Hmm this article reeks of feminism and I honestly hate that Men has his needs too and to ask everything from a man is I think a very wrong way of asking for recognition I mean in a healthy relationship we dont need the other person for us have self worth they are there appreciate and commend us not really complete us. You were fed too much “princess” toys and now you’re distracted by simple prince charmings that can only hold the charm long enough to get what they want for a whole Life is work Marriage isn’t passively waiting for attention from men Grow up Get off your ass and get your husbands attention This articles additide is defeatist and pathetic It’s what women were 50 years ago Modern woman is strong and takes control of her situation instead of passively giving up by getting “swept off her feet”. Perhaps women need to realise that men rarely show love by staring into their eyes while listening to whatever they want to say 5 minutes a day I find it hard to belive that women are such simpletons For some reason it’s all on the men who (ofcourse) can’t deliver what falling in love feels like 15 years later It’s a shame that womens insecurity and desire for “the grass is greener” is blamed on men who often work for their family. Get out while you still have some self-esteem and dignity She will not change for the better It will only get worse. Although I had the experience of leaving a man who was so compartmentalized in his work that there was little left for me this practice certainly goes both ways No relationship can flourish when it’s starving for connection. Logic would dictate that to provide prosperity for the home a man works his ass off to do so When prosperity is realized her logic is subordinate to her mood swings and the eternally empty question “What does woman want?” And she wanders in search of some outside stimulus when in fact if she had any philosophical discipline and appreciation for rigorous thinking she would look internally within herself and examine where sacrifice is really taking place And what would it take to speak to some of that sacrifice and connect with it in order that a true partnership have an opportunity to grow? Men are constantly alone Historically speaking men have always been alone leaving the home and the people they love in order to provide A father’s own children have no real idea what he’s like and what he goes through to provide Between his work and sleep they have almost no understanding of who that. I done both the good and the bad that is stated in this article I always tried to look into my wife to pay attention to her to care about and be consumed by her dreams In the end it didn’t matter all the stresses of working different shifts enjoying sports having children and having a family that was a pain in the ass were too much to overcome She told she didn’t want to be with me anymore that she just wasn’t happy and that she didn’t love me anymore Then I found out that since she wasn’t happy she’d actually gone out and found another man Now we are in the process of divorcing and I worry about how this will impact my children? I try to put the pieces back together to understand what exactly I missed or where I went wrong In the end I really hope that after almost 20 years together this is something I can learn from and actually be a better person. The s I know who have been together for 30+ years communicate extremely well whenever something bothers 1 part it’s said and not through hints or quietly crying in the bathroom It’s ok for women to take initiative to find the spark somehow it’s on all. Re “The article focuses on how women may be justified in leaving men for another man.” The article actually focuses on a pattern I observe while explicitly avoiding justifying (or condemning) it If a reader wishes to justify or condemn that is the reader’s prerogative but it is optional There’s a tendency to jump to blame cause responsibility etc because sitting with uncertainty is uncomfortable In my eyes there is no victim and no villain in. Really???? The last line clearly indicates “the genders are reversible — it works both ways”… You are so busy being defensive you didn’t even finish. Daniel the “passion” the author speaks of is not something to follow Not something outside of ourselves It is the passion that is within us that resonates from us Or at least at some time. I think the real underlying issue here is peoples failure to appreciate each other Also failing to recognise when they are appreciated People put too much emphasis on material things and pursuing dreams The reality of the the matter is nobody is owed anything There are people in the world with nothing and starving to death but they still muster up the strength to realize all they really have is each other That. Are you talking about me? LOL I left a wonderful man for those reasons But I left him with so much love that we’re still very close friends and he’s grown from the experience True intimacy happens on many levels…most of all spiritual When there’s that kind of a bond your love grows stronger never ages and never gets tiring or boring I have that with my friends Are there any men out there who are willing to be vulnerably intimate? I don’t want to get married again without it Thank you for writing this Silvia Well my theory is men and women should not live in the same house or at the very least have each their room Why? because distance makes us want to be together and being separated can also stimulate the need for sex If we are always in each other proximity it can get boring or a sort of routine Being close emotionally is the key success to any romantic relationships no doubt in my mind about this So men and women who want to be in a romantic relationship and not just in a relationship need to understand the difference between caring and affection and being passionately. Yes… she could and should have taken it at face value as being something that most men even at 24 would EVER do and therefore was worth validating in her husband but she didn’t It cost us our over time I felt that she mis-took me for a philanderer (her past creeping in…) because I was NEVER a philanderer But that didn’t matter Damage done in an immature relationship What shame Could have lasted until one of. I know the article raises many questions Keep in mind that my purpose in sharing it isn’t to provide conclusive answers or to designate blame or even responsibility The intention was to share a story based on my unique observations and to offer new possibilities The reason that three million people have now read the piece and shared it and commented on it is I believe largely because they see themselves in it It is their story But it isn’t everyone’s story If it isn’t your story that’s OK It doesn’t make it wrong nor does it make you wrong It just isn’t your story There’s no reason for that to be a problem Brian Your questions are good and reasonable The answers that I hear in my office are numerous I’ll be sharing more stories Some might be. I am incredulous at this article Where is the woman’s responsibility in the relationship? Where is the comment about the woman being present for the man? Why is it assumed that the woman is totally present for the man and the lousy man is so flawed I thought was a two way street Maybe the man is “working golfing gaming watching TV fishing… the list is long,” because the woman is not present for him and he is just finding other ways to occupy his time People date and are totally present for each other and then children come along and they both (usually) become present for the children and I find that usually it’s the woman who quits being present for the man and then the man develops other interests because the woman is not available My point is our society is constantly bashing men for any problem that occurs What is left out of this article is the man’s perspective which totally makes. Yes Yes A thousand times yes Beautifully said That’s what I meant when I wrote this- /p2KCiQ-7y Why can’t people just read an article and either agree practice what it suggests or disagree and don’t Why get so aggravate and turn the comments section into a debate chamber If everyone took care for their OWN tree the forest would be most beautiful. You now have the opportunity to SHOW deep compassion and also 'find' the PEARL-of-GREAT-PRICE that is ALWAYS deeper within your bride IF you are a man… you have it deep within you to truly discover… and UNCOVER the woman that is deep within her She's there… and she'll bend heaven-and-hell for you if you securely bring HER to the fore You are 'up' for the 'hunt' It is IN you to do so Compete with yourself instead of at the golf game! Selfishness in its' many iterations has no place in a love relationship Nice try on the 'these-are-my-likes my-hobbies-and-you-should-respect-them' That couldn't be more self-focused We're talking about another HUMAN BEING with the image of very God built into them! What I wouldn't give for a RE-DO (great article! I'm sorry my response was. So many people look to this article to excuse the inexcusable They lack discipline morality and common decency Life is not about having everything all the time and expecting others to do all the work Working at something for reward further down the line and taking good times with the bad Todays society does actibely discourages this Before you cheat show your spouse the respect they deserve by facing them and airing the issues Cowards. Nice article I think this is actually correct However I feel this is an error made by both sides This is an area with lots of opinion But I know one thing for sure… Not being present in a relationship is a mistake made by both genders So I find as this article spreads you are sending a very misleading message about men and potentially empowering women to think that there’s no possible chance that they are not present in the relationship… And is the fault of men This article should have been more written as to why people leave the person they love The question I have is that if you’ve dealt with so many men and women… How can you possibly write an article that targets men like this when we all know that this is a mistake made by both genders? As for the whole idea of cheating… There’s something much much much deeper for someone to cheat on someone they love They need to see experts. Your comment discounts abusive relationships There are intractable people out there Sometimes leaving a person you love is exactly the right thing. Dan: perhaps you might see OBJECTIVELY that counseling MAY not have been for you BUT FOR YOUR WIFE to ‘see’ that she: interrupts doesn’t honor is fearful whatever The benefit of counselling is not only for the marriage per se Some items need to be articulated by a third party! ( immaturity insecurity controlling nature… <<<< These items DO NOT come so well from the person they are being perpetrated on! GET HELP for her to GET HELP!) Be wise however because there MAY be something residual inside you There is intrinsic deep need yes But there is 'cause and effect' also Your smug (if it was smug): "I don't need counselling…" would definitely be a 'cause' in a committed relationship. 5 minutes a day was all he mentioned Plus one aspect might involve including your wife in your passion if it takes a large chunk of your time I occasionally attend board game nights with my husband if they are not doing an rpg campaign My passion is hiking and the outdoors It’s not my husbands activity of choice but he will occasionally do it for me because he knows it makes me happy I think this article is great Not to criticize you or anything but I feel you are only hung up on one sentence of the article and missed the. She may appreciate and respect you to no end and she may love you and she may be more than thankful for the things you do for her; working providing housework etc but for a lot of women myself included We want a deep connection It doesn’t mean that men need to lose their masculinity or their ability to go chug 12 beers with the guys on Saturday Do that stuff Absolutely do it! Just know that we want to dive deeper than that with you We want to share more than “how was work” with you We want to be best friends with the ability to tell each other everything from our fears our goals and our dreams and know that you not only hear us but want to share your thoughts. Empty: “We seem to have our quarterly chats and he will be better for a couple weeks and then back to same old bs It’s tiring He was going to counselling also it was helping He needs to go again but that’s his call not mine Life is hard man.” WHY isn’t it YOUR call to honor your man with the deep LOVE necessary to convey that your relationship NEEDS him to get more counselling? I do suggest that you BOTH go as ‘it’ (the current problem) MAY BE YOU! I’m not suggesting control or forcing another person to DO COUNSELLING But isn’t there a loving way for you to REALLY get your point across without an ultimatum (”I’m leaving.”) or punishment (“no sex this month”) To ‘love honor and cherish’… doesn’t that suggest a deeper meaning than: “ONLY IF HE IS ‘PRESENT’ or ‘WITH IT’ or ‘CATERING to. Just don’t make this men and women relationship so complex that eventually society gives up the believe in Just don’t overburden the relationship with expectations Only what comes naturally stays Article further strengthens my belief after 20 years that I have forgotten to live to live naturally I don’t know who am I anymore I am living just to keep a commitment I made 20 years back to a woman It may sound depressing but search your soul before responding. Couldn’t agree more… however it seems to me it could be very easy to end up being single forever when one is truly and strongly independent A little weakness neediness and co-dependence (all well-disguised at sale of course) is what keeps people together Truly strongly independent people are a little intimidating to the rest of. But a woman can often mistake the exhaustion borne out of her own boredom and her own laziness — (e.g always needing to be entertained feeling the desire “to be swept off her feet”) — and assume the root source of her problem is her man Too often it’s not The root source of problem is often herself If she has an empty mind a hunter’s heart and an idle repository of character she never should have gotten into a relationship in the first place just keep applying your make-up and do your shopping Greet every day as “girl’s night out,” and leave all men the. She wasn’t narcissistic so much as protective Protective against a non-abusive husband who PLAIN was too plain Sure I had and have zest for life (Chiefly serving the poor (physically mentally spiritually) in our ‘sphere’ and for a deeper spiritual grasp and walk.) But she could not ‘buy in’ because of her own fears and protective ways It would have been thirty years… we’ve been separated by tragedy and now her choice for more than 6-years It’ll end in June 30 years in July I’d give anything to simply get to deeply convey: “I WAS SCARED because I didn’t know how to love you SO I ‘did my thing’ hoping one-day you would discover my inadequacy in that department and have compassion towards me.” What I discovered… what most men will NEVER display or deeply convey… is that men area scared shitless simply because THEY TOO were not particularly parented well THEY TOO are in need of a modicum of bolstering NOT THEIR egos No bolstering their WORTH by their spouses Yes… we men are scared You women area scary to lead One day it appears you want one thing the next day another This is not true of women really… it is just what men who are scared begin to believe BECAUSE WE AREN’T taught what you are really wanting I swat myself (figuratively) on the back of the head because I missed it! IF ONLY IF ONLY I’d have even KNOWN that I WAS scared IF ONLY after realizing that I was inadequate to reach the depth of her I WOULD SIMPLY TELL HER… “I’m scared because I cannot. Good advice on how to help your spouse feel loved Where is the part where people are supposed to be loyal and honor covenants even when things are difficult? I don’t care how distant a partner is – you cheat you suck you are selfish and it’s your fault That’s. By doing both you will create opportunities for each to contribute to each other to the relationship and that alone can empower and build self worth and passion. Too much work and hassle Pay a hooker; It’s cheaper and you don’t pay a hooker for sex you pay her. Woman are much more about emotions and feelings than anything else You put it very well…its what I have been trying to explain to my partner I stop talking and I tell him…your not even listening to me Your doing me a courteousy I dont want sex with you…booty calls is what I left for you Many stressors and barriers come up…but its the consistent communication…touching me…its more than holding hands…its sharing energy We shared love to make a child…why cant we continue sharing But women…we lack patience….there is so many times I can tell you before I. I do like that you acknowledge both change and resistance to change come with their own discomfort and/or pain But you have to admit that when one grows and begins to recognize it the ‘exhilaration’ far outweighs any discomfort As a matter of fact I have always thought that the discomfort of stagnation is often what leads to change We all resist change but it’s really more inertia and unawareness than fear pain or discomfort Mindfulness and awareness are very valuable commodities and very rare in western civilization But we are learning aren’t we? – DB My biggest fear is that I feel lost I’m now missing purpose in my life I want to take all of this pain hurt loss and try to make something better of my life Not live for anyone else (except my kids) but live for myself and find personally happiness I will never understand how someone cheats and then lies repeatedly to cover up the relationship? Do they really think it will be better? That they’ve found something better? It seems like so much to. Women are seldom ever really angry about what they complain about because if they told you the truth and you actually fixed the problem you remove that excuse from the pile I f you somehow managed to remove all the issues in your resentment would grow because She’d feel guilty every time she questioned her enviable existence Betty Friedman nailed it back in the early days of feminism with her questioning “is this all” the idea that women always feel something is missing no matter how good things were. Feminism is the equality of the sexes not the alienation. The article is right Women do leave for exactly that reason and good riddance to them Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me It’s 12 years later and I couldn’t be happier about it If your wife wants to live in some fantasy world where some guy is going to be madly infatuated with her every minute of her life regardless of how she behaves smile and wish her the very best luck in her pursuit Single life is much better for guys anyway. Not claiming to be the reason or solution for anyone in particular and I do not know how common this is worldwide all I can say is that from my personal experience and from people around me the most common reason for not being able to be fully present when around your partner is this: /blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/7-ways-get-out-guilt-trips I disagree with this and think it is actually the opposite in my case I am too clingy have no hobbies spent all effort and time on wife and her kids who called me dad and it’s never enough My realization is that women do not want some clingy guy who does their every whim they want passion and attraction to a man in their lives Husbands don’t fit this bill because they require no effort no mystery no wonder no mind Husbands become like the friend zone over time with wives Hope you men out there can wake up to this and stop with the self-blaming like this article. I agree with this article but I think that there is a paradox involved with domestic life It’s difficult to be this super passionate romantic person when you are domesticated and working all the time You eat a safe responsible adult partner who comes home every night but then at the same time you want Don Juan Demarco to sweep you off your feet Men believe they show their love through being responsible men that take care of year families This article is talking about how men behave when they are courting a woman and that’s not just not realistic to do every day Don’t get me wrong I think this is something men should aspire too but don’t leave the poor guy talk to him If you let someone else sweep you off your feet when your in a committed relationship you are a total. Believe me the woman who feels she needs to be “swept off of her feet right out from under her husband.” is the same woman’s whose husband feels under appreciated working the hours he does to provide for his family in the way society dictates It’s a bitter double edged sword where no one is right; no one is the winner but when one or both parties starts entertaining the idea of a third party escape it’s time to invest in not distance from each other Easy? Hell no! But when ever were relationships? Instead of raising awareness for the need of men to be ‘present’ in a relationship it seems more like a personally fueled one sided article excusing women for pulling the plug when things become difficult How do you help couples by blaming men for women leaving? Perhaps remind men of what women require and women of what men require and how each side can accomplish what is needed I am curious to know how you work with couples when they have issues due to a lopsided camp schedule (e.g 3-4 weeks away and one week home)? Should the man quit his job and then they can live in a tent with lots of hugs and Kraft dinner? Your email address will not be published Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website I love this… Unfortunately I don’t have this My husband is angry and critical all the time I can’t do anything right and he doesn’t have time to communicate with me I’ve tried only to be let down time and time again Sometimes I wonder if I even want to save my being alone sounds more appealing at this point I can’t walk on eggshells anymore or try to make him understand I’m only 28 I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m going to be happy with or without him. Oh yes Sarah absolutely agree – mine would not miss a beat if I had to die He has our son rugby newspapers tv and his radio The end – now what is that? He doesn’t even want to go away on holiday but does so because he feels obliged for our son Empty box otherwise but at 56 to start all over again … most of my girlfriends live their own lives and the husbands are not even vaguely aware And most importantly the biggest gift of all fathers can give their children is to love their mother – vice versa applies to mothers Many forget that Thank you for your brilliant article Justice Schanfarber Love the spreading of your first-hand word!! That said… I'm sorry for your lost relationship and hope that you indeed are not a controlling self-focused man who doesn't need anything so he doesn't 'have-anything-to-hide' Truth is… we all have very deep needs for deep connection with. So the man is required to find his passion is he? Is the relationship not a two way street should she not explore passion communicate her feelings or is the easy road to leave the simple choice to make? Does and their vowels not have any meaning any longer? Is she the weak link within the or is it simply the man who must always be viewed upon as the cause to the problem Your article is no more than a weak woman’s perspective to a failed relationship. I feel into the working part of the article and never knew the problem i let evolve by working so much,i thought i was being selfless by making more money for my family but i ended upp being selfish by spending all the time i did working because whaat my wife wanted wasnt money or things,it was ultimatly cost me hindsight i made a huge mistake that ill never forget and it forced the true love of my life to a place to be happier with someone else. Interesting perspective but this is ridiculous Leave a person you love because he/she has hobbies? For every moment he/she is out fishing how much time is the partner wasting away on Facebook Twitter and so on? It goes both ways If you can leave the person you love over something so trivial then this was not love to begin with Maybe talk with your partner first before you decide to leave him/her Further if two people share the same passions then this problem can be averted The scenario outlined in this article sounds like the partners are asymmetric with their goals and aspirations. Daniel – You’re on to some good points but consider that they may be true without anyone’s wiring being “flawed.” Tyler – There’s no guaranteed recipe for passion and I’m not able to coach or counsel people online but consider that being able to name your experience – stuck bored etc – is actually a good sign There’s awareness there. Interesting article but one thing I wonder is why there is such an emphasis on Men pleasing women in our society? In this article it never mentions the woman doing things to inspire the mans attention nor does it address male desires for attention and connection Its why Im single friend They want a ton of money but only want you to workmore than 15 hours a week They are just too confusing for me brother Tell me this why would my wife have a one night stand all though she swears up and down she loves me and is crazy about me she was out of town on business she said she had no control over it she is deeply regretful and ashamed God what do I do now just the thought of this breaks me everyday If she truly loved me where was I in her mind when this happened does she truly love me can something like this really just happen on accident ? Its been months since this happened but it still feels to me like it was yesterday She tries everyday to make me feel better but I just don’t she lays by me at night but I feel like she is so far away this has changed everything between us I love her and always have I’m devastated over this and. Most women who leave a loving faithful man end up doing the same thing in another 15 years with another partner Women who do this are not meant to be married yet they like the concept of being married to avoid being lonely Emotionally stunted women have been habituated to Disney like stories and relationships Men work to provide for the women but women leave men for not being a provider; they also leave men for working too much too Avoid women who agree with this article. I have a similar scenario Communication is key It’s a long-term project one has to work on In my case the mismatch was that she was overly emotional while I would bottle things up They more emotional she would get the more I’d bottle up The more I’d bottle up the more emotional she would get A vicious circle The key is to identify this discrepancy clearly and make both parties aware of it as a dynamic Then you both work to meet in the middle It. But you’re busy You don’t have time for this How about five minutes? Five minutes each day Will you commit to that? I’m not talking about extravagant dinners or nights out (although those are fine too) I’m talking about five minutes every day to be completely present to the woman you share your life with To be completely open – hearing and seeing without judgement Will you do that? I bet once you start once you get a taste you won’t want to stop <Note – The gender dynamic outlined above is reversible It can go both ways.> UPDATE – Read this response > Why men leave women they love (click here)

I agree to but sometimes it’s the other way around But no one ever talks. Whatever I have just read it It’s true but I think it totally depends on the situation to situation I m having a relationship in which I give time to my girl and space to her as well Because I think to be on someone’s head all the time makes them irritate. I give my daughter the greatest example of what a man is……and at the end of the day the misandrist culture is worthless to any degree so long as I continue to keep my daughter at the forefront of all of my decisions and actions I would apologize for my language at this point but I dont hear any women apologizing for being instrumental to running their childrens fathers out of their lives based on impulse….for your temporary satisfaction… WE ALL SUFFER YOUR CHILDREN INCLUDED SORRY WE COULDNT BE THE ROCK IN A DRESS BENT OVER FOR YOU SAD TO SAY ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO COHABIT WITH A HOMOSEXUAL MAN IF THATS THE KIND OF HOME YOU WANT STEP UP MEN… FUCK ALL THIS DEFEATIST SHIT! Hello: Your article woke me up Passion very nice to have – not always displayed to your partner I believe your article I have experienced 2 very different women as wives I like your comment AND how she women must feel – “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet right out from under my husband Guilty if the passion is gone then so to does the love Now I can finally understand this beautiful woman – that I had 2 children with and has since married how she must have felt I was distracted because I am a workaholic and I was not in the moment My 2nd wife – very beautiful and sporty and we had our times – but the same problem re-occurred I lost her for the passion the intimacy and living the moment These words sound like Big Ben in my soul You are very gifted and I wish to thank you so very much for your assistance in understanding me! Take care Michael I also agree – spot on You must surely have so many ladies weeping at your doorstep Justice What a shame and so so sad … I get it totally So inspiring. Maybe a middle class lifestyle is unimportant to her and you trying your best to secure it is preventing you from doing your best to actually provide what she wants No flawed wiring just a disconnect between the two of you You’re right- you should ask her Doing what you hate to provide stuff she doesn’t need or want will just kill the both. This is a bunch of dribble The “man” is supposed to “entertain” his wife in so many words so that she doesn’t leave? What a scary and horrible way to live is a sacred vow to honor and cherish for better or for worse in sockness and in health umtil death do you part It is not for the male to entertain the female! Imagine that each and every day you have to worry about “being there” as though you are supposed to understand what that means each and every day Folks don’t get married if your mate cannot accept you for who you are If your spouse is expecting “Mr Romance” each and every day then you will NEVER be able to live up to her expectations She WILL cheat because your romance or attempts at it will become too boring too passe over time To her something “new” is always better than status quo and the cheating will be inevitable. You missed it JustAMan the point is when you keep it all for yourself to be happy and alive apart from her and don’t let her share in some of your passion and joys you will end up exactly that -apart Its a selfish place to be This article was written by someone who has worked with enough failed relationships with decent people to want to share it with others who want to not end up a statistic If you come in here just to argue that your selfishness is fine then you really aren’t interested in what you can do just keep doing what you want to do Unless she actually matters. Is it so wrong that this is exactly how I feel? Reading most of these comments made me tear up I’m not married but I am in a long term relationship and it’s exactly how I feel When we first got together we were “alive” We spent time together he listened we had a great passion….now that’s all changed I’m afraid to say anything because I don’t want to hurt him but it hurts me so much that we don’t have that connection anymore We’re together but I know mentally and emotionally we’re not We hang in the same crowd yet I feel so alone when he’s around He has more “Life” with his friends than with me. Force THE ONE YOU LOVE to ‘see’ Counselling / therapy is SOMETIMES for THEM and not for you! ( although I say this with tongue-in-cheek because any good counselor WILL help BOTH to not just ‘cope’… but to be ALIVE with the verve necessary to pull the loved-one OUT of his or her self-protective self-focus Yes… it is self-focus when a man cannot ‘see’ that his wife is marginalized or ‘in-the-weeds’ I do not believe in shame or guilt-based ANYTHING But I am curious if you feel you fulfilled your vow to ‘honor’ him… in this arena of PULLING HIM away from HIMSELF! It is good for the ONENESS that each marriage or committed relationship must know that they are now There is really no individuality in a marriage that is not based on some fear of loss (THEIR personality THEIR ‘hobbies’ THEIR ‘wants’) ONENESS is powerful and so missing in our culture. What is disappointing about this article is it lacks any balance at all It subtly perpetuates the image that if a man cheats it is because he is a no good lowdown man If a woman cheats it is because the man didn’t cherish her and took her for granted I have been taken for granted for 15 years – working full time high stress jobs that brings well over 6 figures Do most of the housework and anytime the kids are being challenging they are passed to me in an instant Provided a biweekly housekeeping service However if she strays it could be because I take her for granted I am so sick of man hating. In my case even though we now communicate well (and spent years getting to that point) I think we’re essentially incompatible That’s a horrible scenario to be in – not wanting to let go of someone you love knowing that you’ll never truly be happy with them but that you’ll both be devastated if you break up Always being together is also a problem: familiarity breeds contempt The reason “me time” is important is precisely for this reason; that time away allows you to appreciate time together. Thank you for this article Justice it is very very good and sparks excellent conversation. They feel terrible about it It tears the heart out of them But they do it They rally their courage and their resources and they leave Women leave men with whom they have children homes and lives Women leave for many reasons but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me one that I want men to understand: Daniel I totally relate to your experience! I always had a job but it held no passion it just paid the bills But women (like men) are attracted to the excitement of passion from a new and unknown source They compare and unless you have the ability to sustain passion indefinitely you stand to lose In my my wife became distant when she used addictive pain medication Several months after we split up she couldn’t remember what caused it It’s a nice ideal living your passion I just missed that training and fill my spare time with things that I enjoy but passion isn’t something I experience. Underneath the axe-grinding accusations and polarizations I hear the familiar (and legitimate) pain and anger of a man who has made sacrifices Toby I shared some simple observations and invited men to try experimenting with the quality of attention they give their spouse To the tune of five minutes per day For mutual benefit The rest is your projection and I offer it back. My wife and I have been married almost 34 years; she’s been having an affair for almost 5 years… with multiple men In retrospect I see that we had horrible communication I think since we grew up in very similar families dated in high school and were each other’s only the similarity allowed assumptions to be built up and those were easier than talking about the hard stuff Now we’re talking about the hard stuff when it is. Sarah you strike me as someone who thinks they have a passion but is just grasping at straws Look at the things you listed None of them are actual things you participate with in life “the air you breathe the sunrise the sunset” are you kidding me? Then you trash an ACTUAL thing someone does like surfing and can say its not their passion for life I mean wow Okay sure you keep breathing air and watching sunrises while your husband travels to find the best surf he can find and lives his life to the fullest Hobbies definitely ARE passions Work can be a passion Poker can be a passion Building can be a passion Got it? But so can your children The animals you take care of at your house or at a shelter you volunteer at can be a passion The time you volunteered at a soup kitchen and it made you feel passionate Also a passion The passion you share with your significant other. I think this is equally true of women and their husbands Take the time to truly see him be in the moment with him I am a workaholic of sorts and am often too busy (paid job volunteer jobs education) to be present and in the moment and choose (and yes it is a choice!) to nod and go thru the motions Thanks for the reminder I’m going to sit with my amazing wonderful husband and be in the moment with him The other crap. He told you “this is who I am take it or leave it” And your response was to stay in the to “take it” You could have left it you could have been strong and said said this isn’t what I want in a relationship and left you could have done what he had down been straight forward and honest with you Instead you were deceitful and cowardice You accepted his terms you took him and accepted him You went behind his back and betrayed him You said there is nothing more you could have done but walk away but you didn’t walk away you stayed and used him until you found something better leaving him in the dark because you had accepted him on his terms when he was honest with you you decided to lie and get what you could from him instead of parting as adults. Also if you’d like to write a short piece that explores the background and fleshes out the (possible) personalities in the dynamic that I outlined in the article I’d love to. We live in a sick sick sick society in which destroying a relationship is considered noble and heroic but sitting around a coffee table and talking through our problems is considered “too difficult” and too much to expect. Email me if you want to talk amandarsimmons83@ we are in the. She wants you to feel her She doesn’t want absent-minded groping or quick release sex She wants to feel your passion Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess If you’ve lost it why? Where did it go? Find out Find it If you never discovered it you are living on borrowed time. Is not a lifetime of courtship It’s a partnership where both people are putting their personal interests as secondary to the interests of the family Any woman who complains about the capacity of some man to sweep her off her feet from right under her husband is a bad wife because she’s admitting that she’s not invested in the commitment she promised. Herr Schanfarber Ich wirklich Ihre Artikel gefiel! I enjoyed your article because it made me think It was passed to me from your publication in the Huffington Post of 11/9 though I see it originated here I don’t think you’re being helpful enough to men It seemed as if you really wrote this piece that is supposed to be for men to women You did cover your bases (a little late and where most would never get to it) with this at the end: “The gender dynamic outlined above is reversible It can go. But you cannot fix the status quo by walking away and quitting You write that a woman is not a man’s property Yeah so what? The attitude of treating people like styrofoam cups — crumple it up and throw it away whenever it suits your convenience — is a deep deep deep profound moral cess pool a severe character flaw A wife may have to confront her husband Oh couldn’t do that That might be uncomfortable Walk away? Sure! TALK about the problem? No that might be difficult Ultimately the problem is living in a society that encourages the “DISPOSABLE PEOPLE” worldview… that people only have value as long as they benefit me A wife may need to hide her husband’s golf clubs and put a note in the golf bag saying they need. Jeb I’m sorry that you and your ex-wife had so much trouble but it does sound like divorce was best for you both I disagree with your “as usual men are never allowed…” Broad statements like that simply aren’t true; they are true in your life perhaps but many of us are in relationships where we communicate well welcome questions be patient when listening to answers even if it is heated It can be a struggle but “always” or “never” statements just indicate bitterness (i.e “All men are assholes” “All women are crazy” — neither. I think every relationship has to be 60/40…… and if this can be achieved it is wonderful! Completely agree with this comment! No one should be made to feel that they are RESPONSIBLE for someone else’s happiness! I think I might feel like a rabbit in the headlights if any man did all those things with me… I’d rather have a game of pool and some whisky. I have that issue with my partner of 8 years and two kids later My partner is addicted to porn I know I sound awful but it bothers me I did not know when we first got together but after we moved in together thats when I found out I kept trying to convince my self it was normal that everyone watches and masterbates However when I started realizing he would be watching it while sitting in the same room on his phone and every time I left and the most hurtful was we just had sex and not even ten minutes later he’s on it What’s wrong with me!! See I am very sexual and give it to him whenever he wants it I talk to him about it and he says it’s not anything about me and then other times he says that I am crazy and need to get over it I so am ready to give up. Also as I know a lot of people may read into this wrong but do you believe that a partner “not being there” is enough to end a relationship/ or just enough to seek counseling? Pingback: How To Consciously Flirt With Your Wife | Kristen Darcy You’re scared Tell her Tell a /therapist scared because you can’t find your way Or perhaps you sense deeply somewhere that you can’t BE whom you are expected (or wanting to be….) GO for it Dig deeper man… YOU’RE in there and worth finding For her part your sig-other is scared too cuz she senses your lost ‘verve’ or passion Acquiesce to the fact of being inadequate to know what is going on… then DIG DEEPER for the Truth It is not the same as the fact TRUTH is deeper You’re in there… go get help! If you broke your arm you’d go to a doctor If your inside is broke go find the DOCTOR. I’m in the same situation Jack and ive been asking myself if its to late I’m trying my hardest to convince myself show and prove that you can never say never but its hard mate but you just gotta keep trying a favorite quote of mine is ya never no if ya don’t go and ya only hit the path of failure when ya turn around. I would love for my husband to read understand and practice the perfect advice outlined in this article. What is a marriage relationship without being present and taking time to enjoy intimacy with the one you come home to everyday? What do you do if you have gone to great lengths to be present If you make an exherted effort to go on a date every week If you give her undevoted quality time If you attempt to connect with her on a physical yet not sexual level if you truly conversate with her and deeply listen to what she has to say and no matter how hard you try she still doesn’t WANT a physically intimate relationship? What if despite all the aforementioned things she tells you that she will never WANT sex That she’ll only do it out of obligation or duty but it will never be something she desires What if no matter how many times you tell her that the one thing you want is not for her to have sex with me but for her to desire me for her to want me to please her and to want to be pleased by me she refuses to understand… What do I do in that scenario? The guy is still alone at the factories and traveling across cities delivering things to those factories His GF is still kind of under the. When you have hobbies or likes don’t distract yourself from your partner Try enjoying it with her instead of living two separate lives or just express it and have her there sometimes to support you so that she can feel inclusive to your life hobbies She should push you and encourage you For the most part women would only have a problem with your hobbies if your selfish about it Why be in a relationship when you can’t live together and share differences so that you can appreciate or simply learn more from. I’m suggesting that sometimes love is stronger than desire but not strong enough that a man can completely subjugate his will to it – there must be some true expression of self Maybe he feels just as trapped as you do the difference is that he no longer wants to work on the relationship because it doesn’t interest him but doesn’t want to leave it because he loves you It’s not a good situation There are three choices 1) Leave and start fresh – at least that way there’s hope 2) Stay in it and both resolve to change as people and talk – but it takes two to want this 3) Keep the status quo for the sake of the kids Option 1 requires a willingness to let go and to value one’s own desires more than those of one’s family Options 2 and 3 both require a sublimation of the ego’s (and perhaps soul’s) desires for either one or both parties One thing I would like to point out is passion doesn’t mean sex Alot of the posts are alluding to this and I think the focus shifted somewhat I guess you can be passionate about sex but it’s the passion the love the I want to be with you that’s missing My husband told me he likes to go to the pub because it’s like Cheers…he knows everyone there and he has fun I guess home isn’t fun He golfs with his friends because it’s more fun He even left me on our first anniversary with a newborn to go fishing with his friends He doesn’t fish That hurt and after 17 years of it hasn’t changed This article could be applied to men or women who have the same emotions and feelings Bravo. Did you push them to take that job because it would allow you to be “stable” or to buy a house/clothes/trips/cars/tuition/etc.? Did you stop them from being friends either overtly or more subtly with people you didn’t like? Did you mold or change their life priorities? Do you have any idea what those priorities were before you got together? If you can figure that out being truly honest with yourself then maybe you can start to see why your partner isn’t the passionate ‘alive’ person they were before Not all relationships are like this of course Despite my words I am actually in a very good one We both love and empower each other and I am a better man for having married her But I’ve seen this story play out time and again among my friends and family. 100% agree Well said Women who have this underlying issue with themselves will direct it towards their man; So long as the man can ‘medicate’ their emotional state rather then the female doing it within herself through her own hobbies or aspirations for life It’s easier to blame their man then admit there is something wrong with them self Whether lonley bored no hobbies So long as your unhappy your man will be. Women leave because their man is not present He’s working golfing gaming watching TV fishing… the list is long These aren’t bad men They’re good men They’re good fathers They support their family They’re nice likeable But they take their wife for granted They’re not present Women in my office tell me “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet right out from under my husband.” Sometimes the realization scares them Sometimes. Marriage can be the greatest thing in the world and can be the worst thing in the world It feels like you can’t live with it and you can’t live without it I don’t think anyone will ever figure out all the answers for a wonderful marriage I do know that I have learned that sometimes someone’s actions doesn’t always represent what’s truly in their hearts……… for many various reasons. This article is not even near the mark in my opinion It blames men lol Like women are not calculating and selfish Because at the end of the day it is all about how she “feels” Why would any sane sober and successful man sign a contract to something that changes with the wind? One thing is correct I am not present and I won’t be We are waking up to the fact that there is nothing in it for us (men) to marry Society is selling men to the financial slaughter house I am not going Even though I am one man I will reach 10,000 with this truth So there it is ladies Your dumb beta pool will dry up Age treats a man better then it does women All we need. 5 easy steps guys your partner a priority and not an option you want it to work you commit to her ’t hide anything her,show her and mean it 5 If all else fails go. Wow your comment actually blew my mind to think that anyone is so self involved that they would argue this point is astounding Is your “me time” so fullfilling that you don’t need your wife to feel alive? I like my video games time with the boys and a drink now and then but i appreciate my wife and only feel fully alive when our connection is expressed The love of a companion a family is the most fullfilling feeling in the world Maybe you feel alive when tending to your hobbies because they fill the hole that your wife should be filling Maybe you dont love her as much as you trick yourself into thinking you do Or maybe it’s just me who acknowledges my wife as the cornerstone in my life and knows that being alive means happiness shared with others. “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet right out from under my husband.” I wonder how women would respond if it was “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet right out from under my wife.” I’m guessing the thought is mid-life crisis younger woman etc I bet that younger woman makes him feel empowered vital and important Not surprisingly like it or not this is important for a man But apparently that is bad and “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet right out from under my husband.” is acceptable Neither is Period Relationships are work and require effort by both parties often with efforts that go unrecognized when they shouldn’t If you don’t want to do the work don’t get married in the first place – male or female. You’re not your wifes entertainment center sorry but it’s just as much up to your wife to take initiative you arent required to change who you are for. I am a 27 Year old women i married with a very good persone before 4 months who cares for me but i love someone else since last two year by a destance relationship i still dont get physical with my husband beause i m in a commited and seriuse relationship with my love the person i love also cares me a lot and he is unmarried I respect his feelings and dont want to hert him if i will involve in phycale relation with my husband then my love will hert very much and me also what should i do Plz. Furthermore the whole (she left me out of nowhere) can be singled down to 1 issue women who lack communication skills hints like “you work alot” or “do you have to go to the gym today?” do not translate into a relationship crisis for men women need to sit down with their men and tell them what they need from their relationship before it’s too late hints and “bam I’m out” is just a weak approach the notion that men are indirectly responsible when their wife falls in love with another man is nonsense men can’t read minds nor can we read feelings or hints if a woman cant be arsed to straight up tell a an what she miss and need from the relationship for it to continue but instead start looking for other men then the blame is entirely. Great words Peter Reznick I think you hit it on the head We are so self-absorbed it becomes hard to see other people particularly those we live with “Giving is not about you but about her what she needs and what she wants.” Both sides male and female have to do that Hopefully his wife is not too superficial to know that. This works with the coin flipped too I was until recently in a relationship that lasted a year.i put in the time the effort i spent every day cherishing her and adoring her making her the Centre of my day I had a passion for life ….for her for a future And slowly she ignored ME Slowly the contact list until there were days that she would forget me I work hard And when not working i would be there for her Emotionally and in every way I had to pull away in the hope that she would get help.i doubt she will She tags everyone she’loves’as having NPD me including and yet is suffering from those symptoms herself I love her still and how she gets help and. Thanks for your comment Mike and for remaining civil even while discussing a hot topic I don’t disagree with your main point Relationships are a two way street I’ll ask you to consider that this article is a narrow slice It represents one particular dynamic one of many patterns that I see in my work While true in the sense that it reflects a set of observations this piece is not meant to be complete In no way have I attempted to sum up and relationships in a 30-second read! Also consider that I wrote this article because I care deeply for men and their (our!) struggles BTW – I’m working on a follow up that deepens the conversation. This is a one side article based on one view point It complete leaves out the male perspective of the relationship To try and roll it all up into every man is the problem I don’t see it. Go find some new girlfriends and I will find some guys to play a round of golf with or go fishing and we can tell each other about our day over a nice dinner and bottle of wine If we have anything left over from our day I will gladly make love to you and make sure you are taken care. It goes both ways Men will leave for the same reasons except they will be called cheaters liars leaving for a younger woman etc When women leave for another man it’s the husband’s fault but when a man falls for another woman he’s a typical jerk I’m being cynical I know but my partner has been absent for three years despite my persistent presence and input and eventually I stopped caring and began chatting with another woman As per this article I blame my wife for not being present but she doesn’t see it I am just a jerk in her eyes I wish more writers would stop with the one sided articles and acknowledge that women and men are not really that different People these days are very selfish creatures We all want immediate gratification Women get caught up in fantasy novels thinking their lives should be more fantasy than reality Men get caught up in pornography thinking their women should be slaves to the needs of men I have seen this countless times If a woman leaves a man there is no secret formula It’s simple She wants something else It could be anything even what has been stated in this article However I would be willing to bet more women leave men over monitary issues For some reason everyone seems to feel entitled to being wealthy Kardashians anyone? All options are both easy and hard: 1) Easy because letting go seems really hard until you actually do it Hard because letting go completely when there are dependents is either impossible or long-term traumatic 2) Easy because you get to keep all the things you love – except the bits that are ruining the relationship Hard because you identify with that bit that’s ruining the relationship and you might just be truly incompatible end up back in option 3 3) is the easiest and the hardest – the path of least resistance the choice that is no choice Easiest for the children the most suffering to the soul of the parents There is no easy way out There is only action towards action away from or inaction. As I was reading this article I felt like someone finally put into words how I am feeling NOW What a fantastic article This is not meant to point the finger at men its about improving communication Unfortunately my husband hates to share his feelings he was like that as a child This saying comes to mind “My husband is like and island that I have been circling for years trying to find a place to land” I try so hard to improve the situation but I am only half of the pie Greetings from Australia Word of the day: scorn | stripe I do not agree with this no matter how many time i need to born to understand this… for some people its only white or black either you are with me or you don’t She’s moved on to another man now for more than 2.5-years One of our sons describes him as a ‘blank’ <<< I'm not surprised She's closed her bubble even further It is heartbreaking to see because she is such a FINE person inside Few will ever know her like I do and did… yet she can't see that for the broken-heartedness AND IT WAS MAINLY MY 'miss' or 'fault' She could fall in to an ALS wheelchair be left by 'the blank' because he couldn't handle it… AND I'D BE BEGGING HER TO REMARRY ME SO I COULD TAKE CARE OF HER LIKE I VOWED AT THE BEGINNING I love and miss her so… BOYS: Don't be afraid to show her your weakness It is critical LADIES: "Your desire shall be FOR your husband and he shall have rule (covering not-so-much 'authority' or 'control') over you." In altre lingue: spagnolo | francese | portoghese | rumeno | tedesco | olandese | svedese | russo | polacco | ceco | greco | turco | cinese | giapponese | coreano | arabo I donno what writer means by ” show her you are alive” but for me it means show the woman in your life that u r not a robot or person without feeling react,involve,listen,talk etc that too only if u feel like doing it Drink a coffee with her not because u should but because and only if u feel like sitting with her… Not just for the sake of doing it Sorry if i offended u :) And what if your man is never present is that ok? I’m a 36 year old man My sister was with a man for 7 years and while yes women and men do need their own hobbies and interests this guy was plain and simply not there for her Never present unless hd wanted something from her never there unless the purpose served him and his needs Never there when she needed him the most Allowed other people to come into their home and attack her emotionally and mentally Now tell me is. Tyler… You say you’re bored trapped stuck uninspired list your passion for life… Take your wife and go on an adventure Not the kind where you just lay around in the sun on the beach But an actual adventure Something where you have to always stay busy and always interacting with your wife Like going to a foreign land… Hiking up mountains bungee jumping from a bridge walking through a town even if its just the place where you live and do activities you haven’t tried before try foods you’ve never eaten listen to music you never heard try out different things from different cultures It might help get your passion for life back and doing it with your wife gives you a chance to get to know her again or more about her Also her about you Everyone needs to take a break from reality and jump into something crazy and out of the blue In the world we live in today we are all stuck in one way or another. We all have 20/20 hind-sight Easy to say these things very different to do them A relationship is a two-way street You can’t take all the blame… that’s very selfish. Hi Justice Schanfarber As I have read this article and its a true for many peoples But please response to my one question:- I am always available to my wife and I love her But she makes out with others instead of me She always ignores my feelings She gives me many costly gifts and make me feel good only for some moments and goes with some persons who are unknown to me and I think unknown to her she exchanges her number and spends the time with them I don’t know why she did this to me she never tells and always hide the truth and caught red handed I think that I should now divorce her Please let me know what should I do or I am on. This piece is beautifully written the point is not to abandon your passions but to make each other one of them When I feel seen heard and connected I have no problem with being seperated from my partner as we pursue our individual interests There lays. Wether your a man or women you have to be able to give it to receive it So ask yourself am I able to give my partner what I want? Also ask yourself the same questions you would to your partner and be honest about it Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to show appreciation towards our partner Again is doesn’t matter if your man or woman if a person doesn’t feel appreciated or loved by their partner their going to be physically or emotionally distant If you want something or you feel like you need something from your partner be proactive about it and don’t give up Don’t be afraid to search different ways of fixing the relationship And I repeat the most important part look at yourselves and your actions deeply and honestly before looking at the other’s If you don’t find anything wrong with yourself then you are the cause or at least half the problem in your relationship. Ok but why not talk about it open your mouth and say what’s on your heart then some would argue you shouldn’t have to um yes you should Would love to see you write an article on spouses who are really just best friends with benefits I believe that every facet of a relationship involves physical emotional and spiritual connection When one or more of these are absent in some part of the relationship then the relationship is not as complete or fulfilling as it could be When this concept is applied to the intimate physical part of a relationship you end up with “friends with benefits” It amazes me how it is possible to have such a fulfilling connected relationship in every way except. Women leave because they’re hypergamous plain and simple If a man is around too much she resents him If he’s around too little she resents him Why not own up to the truth that women have no idea what they want and run men through our legal system like the wash? They don’t do it “for the children” because homes with absent fathers leave the children wrecked. This just made me sad and heartbroken My husband will never understand this 25 years of my sorrow He’s tried at times but never changes It’s not part of him but I can’t change either I need this bit will never have it unless I leave him and I don’t think I can I wish I didn’t have to but I can’t be like this my entire life There is going to come a time when my life will be just about me,when the kids are grown I will finally be able to put myself first. The real point is that this isn’t about following prescribed gender roles in a relationship it’s about showing up and being intimate with the person you spend your life with If you rely on the provider role to fulfill others you miss a vast richness that opening your soul to another brings it’s scary but it’s about truth and authenticity I am independant and can provide for myself I appreciate help but I can’t be in a relationship with someone if their mind is always elsewhere I am present so join me or. Think of the 'rule',that scared unprotective seemingly selfish (hobby-first-types) unsecure-minded MEN have in your life! THEN realize it is not a 'flaw' per se! No… it is the condition of mankind THEN find compassion verve and the ELAN needed to help HIM OUT of his ignorance THAT is sexy as hell to a man! A woman who can dig deeper than her fears of safety (protection AND fidelity) and security (financial nesting AND fidelity) and 'hunt' her own man down to HELP HIM be the man she first THOUGHT she was getting when she fell in love He's in there… and WORTH digging deeper than your own fears MEN: give up your entire LIFE what you THINK consists of YOUR life and realize that once you vowed… it is not just YOUR LIFE anymore "The TWO shall become ONE FLESH." < < < This phrase was likely spoken at your wedding. To all those up in arms about this article It’s not about a power dynamic It could fit equally for a man or a woman It’s really about putting just a bit of effort into showing your partner that they are significant to you If your relationship is damaged on other ways it’s not the answer but if the foundation is there this could make all the difference Should your partner make every effort to make it work too? Sure But if you love your partner and don’t make a quality time for them it can cost you. You know what? I’m going to walk away from this computer and spend some time with my wife just watching TV and eating chocolate. I love a woman,who after eleven years left me and I know I became complacent where our relationship was conserned,but I didn’t see it coming I still see her because she wants just to be friends,but it kills me every time I see her when t see her and im walking away,i cry but she doesn’t see me cry I hide it well,but im dying inside,and when she meets someone new and I know she will It will kill me and I wont be able to handle it,i cannot bare the thot of her being with someone else,what can I do to eleviate these feelings,i cant imagine I ever will,i feel suicidal at times,even to the extent of looking on the internet on how to kill myself,its all building up inside me,help me…………………… I wish every man felt this way – thanks for the hope So sorry it saddens me that people give up after 30 years I still believe true love always come back you even if I cant see it right now We are definitely a product of our upbringing and so many people have so many of their own fears and demons to overcome most people are too afraid of themselves to go there with another person but eventually it all. I see now that I took this for granted though I never once looked at her as property Never We built our relationship on equal ground having come from a family where my father was a patriarch We decided early on how it would be established goals and guidelines and pursued them with vigor — always build one another up We grew together and she overcame anxiety and a very poor self-image I helped her get there as I was confident in myself and saw it in her too Somewhere in there I may never have looked at her as property but somewhere along the way I stopped looking as much I stopped listening as much My mind wandered while she told me mundane bullshit about her job where before it would have been an opportunity to learn something about her day and use it to follow up later Just to show I was listening I stopped taking opportunities to see her during times we hadn’t planned out Somewhere it changed Some woman require more attention than others Some men are more never minded than others If you’re the type of woman that requires more attention look for a man that can provide it. The institution of has been under attack now for a long long time It is not respected it is not taken seriously it is seen simply as a short term formalization of a relationship subject to breakups because the “woman” MUST be constantly entertained or else Guys you cannot live up to the standard this author is proposing that you adhere to My suggestion to you is to really think hard about who you are going to marry Use at least a year for an engagement period and if you detect this “I need to be entertained” attitude from your soon-to-be spouse then you better get out of town you better break it off It ain’t gonna work in the. The difference from the beginning of a relationship and one more long term is the loss (build up of tolerance) of chemical releases you get at the beginning which give you the euphoric feeling of ‘love’ It can last up to roughly 2-3 years before the ‘lust drug’ wears off and hopefully a true love has had the time to grow strong enough to keep them together.

My issues are not really this We’re fine about our space and intimacy The being ‘present’ is definitely a psychological and emotional thing than physical They are more important I think but what I do wholeheartedly agree on is that people leave each other they really love which is so tragic It just goes to show that ‘love’ is not enough Relationships are so complex and our personalities and needs make it all that much more tougher to handle without guidance and support from loved one’s and good counselling like in this article. I admire your loyalty but being as unhappy as you are you’re not being fair to yourself and utimately not fair to your husband If you’ve tried everything and still feel this unhappy you should move on because then you’ll give yourself the chance to find someone you really enjoy and love AND…you would be giving your husband a chance to do the same Your life is going by and it’s sad I sincerely hope that you plan to leave What good does 2 people that are not really living and are very sad do for each of you???? I wish you the. I agree there are many instances where this is true but this is not mainstream thought This is a typical feminist perspective……Women leave men at a much higher dissproportionate rate? Why? because men are that disspraportionately clueless? The sad reality is that women are conditioned to find happiness externally They are taught to find their knight in shining armor get married have a family and white picket fence and live happily ever after So when they get all that and find they are not happy they commonly blame the man in their life Why is it that when women change they are finally being themselves but when men change they are different then when you met them they are jerks? Why the double standard? Both parties need to work at keeping love alive in their relationship Why arent women directed to explore why they are so unhappy? Maybe just maybe it has nothing to do with their man? That is a possibility………… You are so right It does mean there is a good chance you could lose her I’m glad you got that But I wish I knew why so many men don’t get it It makes. Agreed I think married couples need to remind themselves of two things First it is that they are individuals and that they should never let life get in the way of their personal goals Individuals need to nourish themselves with activities that make them happy Once we are happy with ourselves it is easier to be happier with others as well Second it is truth that a relationship also needs to be nourished just the same way as an individuals needs it Refreshing our relationships requires us to be involved with our partners to show our appreciation for them and to share a personal connection with them My suggestions- Go out on dates surprise your partner with things they enjoy show them that you care allow room for intimacy-emotional and physical. Just this past weekend I caught her acting weird as I turned to her while she was looking at a text It was her fitness trainer They weren’t in a relationship They weren’t sexually involved They hadn’t talked much actually as it turned out but she liked the attention She admitted that it tore her up inside but that telling me that she was becoming numb and feeling things she didn’t like was difficult Those were the darkest two days of my life following an almost all-night discussion I woke up at 5 am the next morning as she left for her fitness class and sat with the light on for an hour just staring at the wall Eventually I got up and exercised myself When she came home she told me that she felt closer to me than she had in a long time after releasing herself from those chains Maybe I’ll be lucky Maybe my renewed effort and understanding won’t be. Redirecting you to the reverse page '; = "/enit/reverse/"; } }); WordReference English-Italiano Dictionary © 2018: I agree it’s reversible and it does happen I was married 16 yrs Everything was great…till life threw my husband a curve ball That’s when disengagement started this was where it all went terribly wrong We found ourselves doing this to eachother I seperated us I made a concerted effort to fix repair and try No matter what I did…no change We could have tried longer But I chose to leave and found another Would love to get into it… I agree with this it happens Equal blame. Just remember though that this article is not gender specific The author clearly states that at the bottom of it My wife has often mention such things as described in the article and I take full responsibility for not fulfilling such simple things required of me She mentions my lost sense of adventure which she craves and I have had to work hard at bringing back the things that attracted her to me I failed time and again and she engaged in affairs which broke me and almost broke us altogether It is important as I know first hand to not make your wife feel “invisible” which often happens even if you’re in the same room with her See her always as the object of your attraction and tell her often what you think of her and be appreciative of her and who she is to you and mostly show her That is if you want to keep her We’ve been together for. Hey RON! I generally and totally agree with your 5-steps but I can tell you from a deep experience that practicing number 3 can be VERY detrimental to the spouse who is protective immature or pained by previous ‘stuff’ to the point where not ‘hiding’ anything… actually hurts the relationship I was VERY honest very early on in our young (in our early 20’s) and the honesty caused her fear to go ACTIVE She put up a protection bubble for more than 5-years and the damage was DONE My honesty was actually selfish It was not protective or mature to be aware that perhaps telling my beautiful young (emphasis) bride that I did NOT commit adultery but an inappropriate CONVERSATION (only conversation no other touch or anything!) was had in that ‘vein’… What he’s talking about are “Quality Time” and “Physical Touch” two of the 5 general ways of loving someone (From the book “5 love languages”) Often our partner does not speak the same love language as we do so even if we feel we’re doing everything right they can’t see it as love because it’s not in their language The techniques described are great but if they are using one of the other three languages it still won’t be enough. I’m sorry but I call bullshit I did eveything to keep the passion alive with my ex-wife and she STILL left me for her ex-boyfriend who was into drugs abusing her physically and mentally and she still loved him the entire time we were together I was the one who was trying to “sweep her off her feet” trying to show her what a good relationship could be and we lasted for only a year When she finally confessed to me that she still loved him I was infuriated and left Within a month or so after I left she was already pregnant So I do apologize but I can’t agree to this logic Some women out there are idiots. Ya know that is funny this works both ways So then it is okay to have preconceived thoughts and convince yourself that you are right all the time not being able to listen or shut up long enough to understand or listen to your spouse do as i say not as i do and the ever popular….elephant like memory Jus a few things as to why i DID divorce my wife Made multiple attempts key word…attempts to sit down listen and solve issue/s at hand But as usual men are never allowed to ask anything when a spouse is talking i don’t mean interrupt because that is for the spouse ( female ) to do Happy? Very much so! Didn’t waste yeah…waste time with counseling if ya can’t chat amongst yourselves i fail to see how counseling would work Have read a few in here stopped at this one So yeah this is my opinion and i own it nothing to. None of these are comfortable options 1) No one wants to leave someone they love or have a life where that person is absent 2) No one wants to feel like they are killing a part of themselves to improve a relationship 3) No-one wants to feel like they are living a lie for the sake of someone else Each option requires love: 1) Requires love of self and loving someone else enough to realise that not letting them go is a form of selfishness Realising that creating a loving environment for your kids in a broken family scenario is going to present it’s own challenges Tough love 2) Requires a transformation of self which also requires self-love of a less selfish sort – a larger more inclusive ego I.e this family IS me 3) Requires blinding love for others but very little self-love. I don’t think you fully understand the article At the begning of the relationship stop and think how anxious you were to see each other I bet there was no me time that time So what’s the difference now that you believe you have the other person in your corner. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus Can we also get an article why men leave women they love? I believe this works. Yes… she could have seen my being forthcoming about an inappropriate CONVERSATION with another woman… as being immature and foolish at worst BUT LOVING and DEEPLY connecting at best But… she DID NOT She was full of her own baggage at that time ( aloof and disconnected parents poor college choices etc.) She was unable to handle what I normally would have ‘hidden’ I was wise enough to know that I must get that ‘into the light’ Just not wise enough to know that it didn’t have to be with the very woman I was trying to protect by being ‘honest’ I should have known (although what 24 year old knows much of anything!?) NOT to expose my wife to the VERY thing that triggered her deep-seated fear!! Just a thought about a spouse leaving: Today things are quite different between men and women Dealing with they’re roles as parents or not Today there is a big difference between the way couples view each other They both want many things in life their way When people are genuinely in love they view each other through the eyes of love therefore not seeing all the imperfections of the other but seeing that person with eyes of only love and goodness no matter how bad that person may actually be There’s a song by Gene Pitney called: She’s looking through the eyes of love When we view each other with the right attitude we look past all of our imperfections and we just see the qualities of the other This is very important for respecting one another In loving this way we are genuinely compelled to love each other sacrificially with a positive attitude. Now my parents are forcing me to get involve with my husband the person i love is also a very good and loyel to me he respect my famaly and this is the reason thats why he permitt me to marry with someone else i cant leave my parents too i m confused. Thats actually an interesting article I fear I may be guilty of this We are always together I am a rather sensative man (althoug she would disagree) but I do sometimes take for granted her presence Honestly we fight quite often about these “phases” I go through I truly do love my wife but we have this disconnect when it comes to our emotions entangled on the same level She gets hurt which sometimes I can be an ass but also sometimes I have no clue She is really hurt and we have been rounds and rounds and the hurt is deep sometimes both ways Am I just totally. Passion is not selfish in and of itself It is only when a human polarizes it in their actions to an extreme when it can become selfish By “extreme” I mean to the full exclusion of other necessary ingredients necessary in our socializing and human interactions Passion requires some constraint and understanding that numerous things are responsible for a full meaningful relationship to grow and/or survive I am passionate about playing the piano If I don’t step back in moments and realize other things need doing and I have a relationship to tend to I could sit for hours on end doing it So I dole it out in small parcels when I feel the strong desire to do it Passion can live alongside of sacrifice…its only at the point of extreme polarizing when it can become selfish and in that case I would stop calling it “passion” and start calling it an obsession. I resonate Eliza – totally Its the people pleasers My great-grandmother had a saying “men are street angels and house devils” – no wonder she ended up drinking Now that is sad but its true – sorry guys with respect Any relationship is not a one-way street but one eventually gets tired of always being the “doer” with nothing in return Its very painful talking to the trees and they hear nothing I gave up years ago and just do my own thing with my girlfriends – take care Eliza just know you are not alone darling. Sometimes people value their belief system over reality It’s human nature. This article is right on Sadly I’m living the consequences of not doing these simple things I wasn’t a bad husband I was kind good with our kids worked hard (probably harder than I needed to) and was home when I needed to be We were married for 18 years but along the way I just got complacent Stopped putting in the effort She tried her best to get me to I understand how she was feeling I still was clueless until she left me I was just lazy in the relationship Someone did come along and sweep her off her feet He did all the things I wasn’t doing It wasn’t until too late that I realized how important she was to me I never reflected on how much I truly loved her Now I get to live with this knowledge and. Email address: Leave this field empty if you're human:   Like this article? Share using the buttons below. I quote : “Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess.” I am sorry but this is in contradiction with the entire rest of the article Not just my passion for her my passion for being alive? Well that is exactly what “doing what I enjoy” is Gaming sports working with passion and conviction for some people this is being alive Now I understand every human being needs attention and that no one friend or partner should be taken for granted but don’t you dare be so patronising as to say “show her you are alive” when what you mean is “give her sincere attention” And I agree that sincere “us time” is necessary sincere care and attention but people also need space people need respect and people have hobbies and likes/dislikes that have to be respected. I’m am utterly sick of this BS attitude where women claim “I was trying to tell him for years” when actually it’s been wishy-washy on and off mixed messages still going out being happy at times sex continues etc etc Then she turns out and leaves one day out of the blue “I was trying to tell you for years” – yes trying badly Men do not do subtle Or mixed emotions There’s either a problem that needs sorting out or we’re cool And if you tell me it’s cool then I expect you to be sincere And in control of yourself I don’t think this is unreasonable or a lot to ask Otherwise you are being disingenuous about Why? I don’t think you’re a bad person at all Maybe there is fear of vulnerability or misunderstanding of expectation whatever it is It takes two. I ALSO FORGOT TO SAY THAT WHEN I ASK HIM TO TALK TO ME HIS REPLY IS….I HAVE TALKED ALL DAY AND I DON’T WANT TO COME HOME AND HAVE TO TALK ALL NIGHT SO WHAT DO I DO? IS IT WORTH SAVING OR DO. So much to comment on… I find that narcissistic people are genuinely broken-hearted in the extreme My bride of 29 years was not ‘inside-her-own-bubble’ so much as WAY damaged by a number of things including very poor parenting (good providers sure but unavailable when deep need arose) chosen guilt on an abortion along with potential familial molestation at a very young age and more I’m sure For my part and I sense this is true of most men… when she left me then I realized that I had not LED in a way that she could get behind Like it or not I believe wives DO WANT THEIR husbands to LEAD Lead with compassion lead with honor lead with dignity lead with respect (quality time) lead with CARE lead with SAFETY lead with SECURITY (fidelity and future minded-financial decisions). Wow sorry you got stuck with someone like that I like what you said about teaching your daughter to value and respect herself Any woman with self respect would not behave the way your wife has Good for you for not letting her make you bitter. Check out David Schnarch He sais this is a normal thing to happen in longterm monogamic relationships and explains how to surpass that stage rather than giving up. Wow! Thank you for this Every word is true Men should read this (And women!) I guarantee if you fret over all the points the author makes and try too hard to implement them/worry every minute whether your wife is happy with you you’ll be accused of “smothering” her and she may leave because she needs “space.” I think they author of this article had very good intentions and is truly trying to help However as a man I do feel a bit offended/judged and pressured by the writers words I think more emphasis on both men and women and their need to nourish a relationship to keep it alive is needed here I am truly glad the article was written as it makes people speak and look into ways to improve their relationships Thank you (I look forward to surprising my wife with may be some flowers and some chocolate covered strawberries-because I want to and sometimes actions speak better than words.) May you all be blessed. Thanks for the article! I wonder is there anything a woman can do to help her man become more present more alive more passionate? Ok that was supposed to say “be bitter” but it changed to Beyoncé ? Have you actually told your husband that? Exactly and clearly just like the above? Totally direct? Posted him this article and your response? Then gone and slept in the spare room for a few nights to prove the point? If no you are being a Victim If yes keep doing it repeatedly and remind your husband every time Tell him very clearly “If you do not help me out you are going to lose me” But be reasonable My guess is you’ll get a big reaction Be clear and proactive about how both of you can change to make it better What you want is a great relationship right? So why does he not want the same thing in the same form of intimacy? It’s so great right? So why not? He does not want a great happy ? Of course he does But neither of you know how And it is really is both of you sorry Do things Go to guidance counselling whatever. … and she went to Pluto for five years Withholding intimacy in one’s 20’s is VERY BAD for an immature man (what else is a man in his 20’s <>) and even though I ‘kept-it-together’… the damage was done We made it to 29 years after two children but for the most part… she never got ‘mature’ out of the pain she inflicted on herself!! WOMEN… you DO this from time-to-time and damage a loving relationship and good men! SO… hiding is NOT a good idea… your #3 is correct BUT sometimes… what you think is GOOD to ‘open to the light’… really should be TALKED about with another trusted or mature person WHO JUST MIGHT COUNSEL YOU TO HOLD ON TO TELLING that ‘fact’ Healthy debates/arguments is depended on the particpants ability to listen (literally meaning hear what is being said and try to understand what that person is actually trying to tell you) ask for clarification in a respectful manner on things that you don’t understand or things that contradicts your own knowledge or assumptions and lastly being able to have people ask you for clarification without taking it as as personal attack and becoming defensive Humans are herd animals we need each other You should never just take care of your own tree always try and nurse the forrest collaboratively 🙂 Whether counseling was something you wanted to try or didn’t want to waste your time was entirely up to you Counseling can help though when one or both people don’t know how to communicate without getting defensive or domineering or giving the silent treatment It sounds like your wife may have been in that category so a moderator may have been very helpful But there is nothing wrong with admitting when it is over Just something to keep in mind for the future. I also think there’s a difference between “truly loving” someone and being compatible with them Truly loving someone means that you care about them and don’t really want to imagine living a life in which they don’t feature Being compatible with someone means that you actually get along well on a day to day basis and have similar goals which allow you to align your lives and future plans in an harmonious way These two things: loving someone and being compatible with them don’t necessarily come together in the same package It can be extremely confusing and endlessly hurtful for both parties to be in a relationship that is loving but essentially incompatible